The M Word
by kygirl101
Summary: In order to save her business, Hitachiin Yuzuha must step up to the plate, and thus force he youngest to step up to the alter. With one, Ootori Kyouya. Only problem with that? She.. kinda-told-everyone-that-Kaoru-was-a-girl...Ah, parents. AU. KyouKao
1. Prolouge: What Pretty Boys

I ths bring you, my new fanfiction.

**The M Word**

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_Prologue_

* * *

She was in shock, staring in disbelief at the piece of paper in her shaking hand. Bought?!? Bought, directly out from under her--her own company, that which she had built from the ground with her own two hands and silken designs. No! No, no - NO! Ootori!! The Ootori Zaibatsu had no need to take over her company, other than for selfish want and publicity, and yet here was the official letter - a goad in the form of a document!

"No...no. NO!!" Crumpling the letter in one hand, the enraged, red-faced Hitachiin violently swept her arm across the top of her desk, sending papers, portfolios and photos flying everywhere, the chaos and white blindness falling documents provided perfectly mirroring the white-hot rage boiling inside of Hitachiin Yuzuha. "No...no, god dammit. God. Damn! Ootoris!"

She proceeded to tear up the letter, having read it enough times to quote passages, and besides, she was certain a carbon copy would be supplied to her lawyer. Shreds of ragged paper landed scattered atop the rest of her mess. "Stupid-" _rip_ "-damned-" _rip_ "-Ootori-" _ripriprip_ "-Zaibatsu!!"

The last remnants of the document fluttered downward slowly, the spiral process catching Yuzuha's eye. She watched the pieces as they floated down...down...down... And landed on a large black and white print of two beautiful women, both (although the picture didn't show it) with bright red hair. They were gazing at the camera, looking haughty and aloof as all models did, but something in their eyes said 'I have a secret', a trait which very few others that were photographed could retain.

A thought struck Yuzuha, which then lead her to remember a paragraph in that goading, diminutive letter:

_Seeing as there are no financial bonds between our families, Hitachiin-san, there is no retrospective purpose for me to forestall my actions in procuring the financial rights and assets associated with your head building..._

Slowly, ever so slowly, the Hitachiin head of family moved back to her desk and withdrew a shiny black cell phone (that had somehow managed to escape the chaos) from her drawer and dialed a number she knew well by heart. One ring...two rings..three-

"-eh-eh, stoppit - Hello?"

"Hikaru?" she said calmly, excitement drumming though her veins at the prospect of what she was about to attempt.

"I - uh, ACK! Stoppit, Kaoru! I will kill you! - Oh, yeah? Hi Mom." There was the sound of a scuffle, quiet laughs, a muffled slap and then the thump of a body hitting hardwood (most likely shoved off a bed). "What's up?"

Yuzuha knelt , picking up the photo that had caught her interest. While gazing at those two secretive women, a soft smile etched her own lips, a secretive smile..._What pretty children she had..._

"Hikaru...Sweetie...Put your brother on."

* * *

Ootori Yoshio was, to put it kindly, incredibly entertained at the moment. Hitachiin Yuzuha was seated before him, looking regal despite the fact that the right to her company was at stake and what she was proposing was almost completely ridiculous. However, as heads of major business and social companies, both had learned how to school their features to hide any amusement or discomfort.

Gently, the man placed his fingertips together. "A marriage?" he echoed.

"Exactly. Think of it as a...friendly arrangement between families. To...better our financial relations." She mimicked his hand gesture, voice saying more than her words.

"I didn't know you had a daughter, Hitachiin-san," Yoshio said with raised eyebrows.

"Oh? Well, let me give you a picture..." From the innards of her tan overcoat, Yuzuha withdrew a picture, this one colored and not quite as posed as the black and white shot she now had framed above her desk. "She's the one on the left, next to her brother. Ah, that's my baby..."

Yoshio found himself staring at two young figures, looking near identical expect for the bounteous chest and longer hair the the female had. Indeed, they looked so similar that, for a second, the Ootori was perplexed; wondering if it would do more justice to call the boy feminine or the girl masculine. While he debated this, however, the woman continued to speak.

"Kaoru's six minutes younger than Hikaru, but the two of them are extremely close. I sent them to France when they were little - that's where their father does most of his work - but now that they're of age, my darling children are coming back to study under me, and take over my company eventually. And hopefully get married."

He nodded solemnly before placing the photo on the desk directly between them and surveying the Hitachiin objectively. "How old is your daughter?

"Nineteen."

"Hm...My youngest is twenty-one. Kyouya." And he turned a silver framed photo around on his desk to face her, displaying a young man that looked an awful lot like Yoshio, but different at the same time (how to put it...Better looking?). "I believe, considering the sizable age gap between our children, any other of mine would be inappropriate - not to forget that all my other offspring are already married - this would be the most appropriate match."

Yuzuha stood, as did Yoshio. They shook hands.

"When can we except them to meet?" she asked.

"Kyouya returns from a business trip to the Americas in thirteen days."

"The twins will be here on the eleventh, on the first." She grinned. "I'm looking forward to this wedding. Hitachiin Corp, of course, will be on the labels."

And he grinned back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

Yes, I screwed with their ages a bit. I'm taking creative whatever-it's-called-when-you-do-it-because-it's-YOURS, so deal~ XP

Tadah! A new KyouKao fic and this one's going to contain LOADS of crossdressing, sexual slights, pregnancy jokes and chapters! Yes! You heard me, chapters! (Plus a little twincest on the side). Now, I know this isn't much of a chapter in itself, but I figured that I should probably set things up before I jump into my six-sum pre-written chapters of bliss! See?! That's how much I lurve you guys - I try to make it non-confusing! :D Anyway, reviews and love, and they make me want to type faster - MUCH faster. So, leave a review, comment, suggestion and constructive critisim.


	2. Chapter One: My Lesbian Little Sister

My, my! An update! Although, un-beta'ed. My beta and I are starting school - Grah! High school! And we're incrediably busy. If she has the time, I'll have her beta it, but for now, I'll just give ya what cha want~! The first chapter.

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Chapter One:

**_My Lesbian Little Sister_**

* * *

Some high class brat in a satin dress and hair too big for her body had been kicking the back of his chair repeatedly for the last three hours, and by now, Kaoru had had just about enough and was ready to turn around and break the child's nose. But...that wasn't lady-like. Sulking and begging for a distraction, he nudged his elbow none-too-gently into his sleeping twin's side. Hikaru jumped, pulling off his sleeping mask and looking riled.

"Wha-what is it, Kao?"

"I don't want to be the girl. You do it."

The older twin yawned, but then grinned. Aw, c'mon. It can't be _that_ bad. I mean, from what I hear, the Ootori men are rarely ever home, have little to no interest in their wives and, also, remember that it's _you_ that's allowing Mother to keep her job, and that means _we _get to be heirs to a multi-million dollar fashion company."

This seemed to do nothing to improve Kaoru's mood, and he sighed exaggeratedly, rolling his eyes. "And what happens if I absolutely hate him?"

Hikaru shrugged. "Have an affair? You can become a lesbian!" And here, he broke into enthuthiastic chuckles that were not shared by his younger counterpart.

"Do you think I could get a divorce?"

"Dunno. Maybe in a year or two."

"A year?!" Kaoru squawked indignantly. "How am I supposed to fake being a girl for a whole year!? What if he walks in on me changing, or wants to - to consummate or have children? I'm missing some vital bits."

"Oh, but you make up for it quite nicely - ow! OW!! Quit hitting!!" Hikaru brought his arms up to ward off Kaoru;s blows, still snickering. "I was only joking. God, you do act like a girl!"

"Shut up! Take it back!" The child behind them had stopped kicking the airplane seat and seemed to be listening intently.

The Hitachiin twins fell into an uneasy silence, both tapping their fingernails against the plastic armrest between them. Neither, really, were looking forward to what was waiting for them in Japan; a home that held little to no memories, a marriage that would be comprised solely of lies and the cut throat world of beauty and fashion. Thoughts, scenarios, ideas and all possible consequences ran through their minds and (in unison) both twins shivered.

"..I'll help you if I can, Kaoru," Hikaru offered, looking at his brother from under his haphazard fringe. "I'll play the part of ;protective big brother to a little sister', and I'll do whatever you need, okay?"

A faint, half-smile. "Thanks, Hika..."

* * *

Twenty-one-year-old Ootori Kyouya returned home early from a solo business trip four days after the marriage pact had been made, only to be called into his father's office. Fuyumi seemed interested, and attempted to sneak around for more information, only to be thwarted by her expansive pregnancy weight.

The office was much like it had when Hitachiin Yuzuha had visited, only the Ootori patriarch was standing, his back to the door and seemingly inspecting his own collection of books. Kyouya coughed to announce his presence, and then continued to stand when Yoshio did not bay him sit. The seconds ticked on, both silent and in deep thought before the older man motioned toward the desk and a photograph. "Your future wife."

Kyouya raised an eyebrow and moved to pick up the picture of a young man and a woman and inspected it. Many thoughts flew through his head, but when the young man opened his mouth, it was only for the words "When is the wedding?" to come out.

Yoshio turned from his books. "In a months time. You'll meet Hitachiin Kaoru in about three days. Brush up on your French; the two Hitachiin children were raised there."

"Hitachiin? I thought you bought that company."

The salt-and-pepper haired man adjusted his glasses and nodded. "I did, but then HItachiin Yuzuha brought about this prospective solution for her problems, and the possibility to expand our business with a line of hypoallergenic - and yet fashionable clothing - and still retain financially prowess from that sector."

Kyouya nodded, stood, bowed respectfully and left the large study to dig out his old French books and brush p on that romance language.

* * *

"Maman!!" Hikaru hollered, slamming the front door to the Hitachiin manor with his foot and dropping the heavy suitcase he held on the ground. Kaoru followed suit, shouting, "Moooooooom!"

There was silence for a few moments, maids flitting around and staring. Some of them hadn't seen the twins in eleven years, some had never seen them at all. And then the sound of another door slamming echoed in the distance, and the thumps of high-heeled shoes pattered down the hallway, becoming louder and louder until HItachiin Yuzuha had stormed down the grand staircase and all but throw herself at the boys.

"Oh, Hikaru! You've gotten so big!! And , oh, my little Kaoru-" she kissed both his cheeks wetly, leaving large lipstick marks on either side of his face "-You're so pretty!"

This was uncalled for - not to mention she'd turned to the wrong twin to greet the other - and both twins struggled. "Mom!" "Ger-off! We can't breathe!"

Yuzuha released them from her death-grip, but held the two at arms length, gazing from face to identical face. "Oh, boys, you have no idea how happy I am to see you here! I was beginning to worry that the driver wouldn't remember what you looked like!" Her voice faltered a bit, but no one made any mention of this noticeable squeak.

"Well, we're here now, Mom," Hikaru offered, purposefully not mentioning all the summers she had flown them out for photos, and smiling as he successfully pulled himself from her grasp.

"Would you two like dinner?"

Kaoru yawned. "Ahh - no thanks. We're really tired. Do you think we could, you know, sleep? In our old room?"

Yuzuha seemed perplexed. "Ah...I don't think your old beds would fit you anymore. You were rather small when you were eight, and I have the guest rooms all made up. Are you sure you'd rather sleep in there?"

In perfect synchronization, the red headed boys shrugged and replied, "Our room has more memories."

"Ah, well," she faltered, but then smiled. "Alright, boys! Sleep tight; I'll wake you up for breakfast tomorrow." SHe departed, and lugging their suitcases behind them, Hikaru and Kaoru began to climb the stairs, and upon reaching the top, turned left, counted four doors and stopped outside their old bedroom.

The room was neat. Clean. Tidy. Not how they had left it; not that the two had expected it to be exactly the same - just sort of hoped. It was obvious that two people full-grown were not going to fit in the tiny, child beds, even if the two were pushed mattress to mattress so the twins dragged blankets, stuffed animals, pillows and beanbags out of their old closet and nested in the middle of the floor. It was uncomfortable, not what they were used to at home (plushy pillow-tops and down comforters) but it didn't matter - embracing each other closely and breathing lightly on each other's faces, the two fell into deep, slightly jet-lagged sleep.

The last thought that flitted through Hitachiin Kaoru's head before it retired to lethargy was how incredibly comfortable and warm it was here with his twin, and wonder if he would ever manage anything remotely similar with the person he'd have to lie to for a year at minimum; his future 'husband'.

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_Remember. Reviews are win, and they'll make me update faster. I'd really like to get, oh...say 60 to 70 reviews for this entire story, and I'm willing to give out little one-shot prizes for the reviews on those numbers ^^" Incented, yet? Anyway, much love, and I hope none of you are turned off by this ficlet yet, because the next chapter includes;_ artificial nails, Fuyumi being a pregnant monster, a KyouKao date and Hikaru getting dizzy in a swivel chair!

_-Until next time!_


	3. Chapter Two: Pornographic Dates

_Alright!!! An update!! Whoo! I know, has been a while, but here ya go! The long (two chapter) awaited first meeting! And, as expected, it plays out horribly. Un-beta'ed, 'cause I'm too tired to send it to her. Yes. Really. That's my reasoning. Anyway, I had issues thinking of a title for this one but...By the time it was all typed...The title just came to me XDDD So, without further ado, I give you...:_

* * *

**Pornographic Dates**

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Kaoru subconsciously twirled an extended lock of reddish-brown hair between two fingers, adverting his gaze as if eye contact with the man across from him would out his dirty little secret. Fidgety, the red head twisted the hem of his too-short denim skirt (how did women wear these things!?!?) which seemed all too short, picking at the stitches nervously. He ignored the salad in front of him and steadily sucked down three glasses of ice water to cool the inside of his parched throat, feeling the liquid sloshing around in his empty stomach.

On the other side of the cloth covered, Western style restaurant table, Ootori Kyouya watched a point somewhere over his date's (and he used the term most lightly) and respected Kaoru's imposed silence. The only sound that echoed around the pair was the clinking of cutlery, the occasional call for cheque, water or desert menu, the slow instrumental chamber music, and the steady sips of water, taken in turn by the Hitachiin and the Ootori.

There was nothing. And then:

"Are you bored, Hitachiin-san."

Amber eyes darted upward, and for a second, their gazes connected. Kaoru sensed what felt like a bead of cold sweat break out on his neck, yet when his hand flew to the nape, there was nothing there. "I - uh...A little," he conceded, giggling sheepishly in a stupid imitation of the girl he used to go to school with.

"I apologize," Kyouya was incredibly straight-forward, and Kaoru was incredibly taken aback.

"Uh, o! No, that's okay. We just, eheh, haven't really anything to talk about." More cold sweat and more frantic picking at the hem of the skirt. Swallowing the lump in his throat, the red head tried to initiate some conversation. "Uh...Which school did you go to, Ootori-kun?"

"Ouran Academy," the brunette replied easily before taking a bite of his dinner, chewing diligently before replying courteously, "And yourself?"

"Lu Renaissance, a private school specializing in the arts," Kaoru answered and, sensing a null in their conversation, he tried a different tact. "Uh, what position do you work at in your family hospital?"

"I am an underling to my two older brothers, but I am typically doing the same work as them for less of the credit or recognition."

"But you're so young to be doing the same work as they - Aren't you brothers in their thirties?" He was in awe.

Kyouya's eyes seemed to narrow at this comment - and light glinted off the lenses of his glasses in a slightly ominous way. "Yes, but graduating in three years of medical school does not mean I can rest with the satisfaction of knowing I matched them, if I ever wish to go farther than that." Something about the way he said it made the subject seemed closed, and Kaoru guessed it was a good thing that social law decreed that it was now Kyouya's turn to start up a new topic of conversation. "And you, Hitachiin-san? What do you think of taking over your mother's business with your brother?"

Ah, familiar ground. "Generally, yes. From what I've heard, the world of Japanese fashion is a lot less cut throat than Milan, and everyone's a;ways said that the two of us were naturals. Now all we need to do is go through our mother's personalized training, and then we're on our own pretty much." Kaoru smiled widely and genuinely for the first time since his mother had all but shoved him out of the car. Once again, it was his turn to start a new subject, and feeling unreasonably free spirited, the red head finally cut through the bush they'd both been dancing around all evening. "So, uh...what do you think about this marriage, anyway?"

In a matter of seconds, he knew that it had been a mistake to bring that up - unsafe ground to tread on. Kyouya visibly stiffened, and Kaoru felt the atmosphere temperature drop at least ten degrees as his smile dripped off his face like wet paint in the rain.

"A marriage for merit is entirely different from one out of love, but seeing as I didn't expect to engage of one in the latter category, and arrangements that benefits both parties is equally pleasing enough to compensate for any issues that arise. And think of all the pretty little children that you can give the surname ad birth rite of Ootori and dress up like little dolls, Hitachiin-san." The condescending tone made the hairs on the back of the red head's neck stand on end, and every notion of playing sweet and girly immediately flew out the window as this man insulted him indirectly.

"Don't call me that," he snapped, uncrossing his legs under the table and allowing his hands to flee hair and skirt, gripping to the edge of the table. Amber eyes narrowed. "That's what people call my mother, so why don't you cut the formalities and call me by my name, _husband_. And you shouldn't automatically assume I want kids, or give a damn about your name or superiority." The table shook a tad bit as he stood in stiletto heels and mini-skirt, exposing long, painfully waxed legs.

Kyouya seemed rather unfazed, but looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Would you like me to get the cheque?"

Casually, Kaoru flicked the extensions that had drifted into his face back behind his ear and made a sour face. "Well, my family is paying for the goddamned ceremony." And he turned on the balls of his feet without even saying a goodbye, reaching into his pocket to call Hikaru and _demand_ he help him commit dating purgatory and walk out.

* * *

"You should have _heard_ him!!" the younger of the Hitachiin twins sneered at his hands before pulling at the extensions and clips in the privacy of his and Hikaru's childhood bedroom. "It sounded like he was reading of a supply list: marriage, merits, profit, toothpaste, blankets and goddamned..friggin'...FUCK!" The skillfully glued plastic nails were not coming off. "_And_ made me out to be a gold digging hussy who just wanted to have kids to ensure that I could rip him apart in a divorce!!"

Several new things had been added to the room since the time of their arrival: a long, light wooden desk with room enough for two with various design sheets and patterns splayed across its surface in a perfectly messy, yet organized sense, and two matching computer chairs, complete with arm rests and swivel power. Which was exactly what Hikaru was exploiting at the moment, the wonders of spinning while his little brother (sister) ranted, generally repeating the same thing over and over while he occasionally made smart comments that generally went ignored.

"Soak them in warm water," the elder murmured as his red faced twin resorted to using his teeth to pull the nails off.

"And, it's not even that! I don't think he liked me, or even the idea of me, and don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that I don't set him off, but I don't want to have to spend some of the most primal years of my life pretending to love someone as incapable of affection as _that_!!" He had managed to declaw half of his right hand (the trick was bending the tip until the glue at the cuticle broke) and impatiently moved to his left. "Nothing - _NOTHING_ - could ever make up for Mum putting me through this. Do you think she even stopped to consider what would happen to her - to me - if anyone found out?!"

Hikaru shrugged. "We've never been caught breaking the rules in our various stages of mischief and scandals before. Maybe she's using all those irate phone calls from Dad at three in the morning as assurance you won't get found out."

"But - but -" And now he moved to reach down his shirt and pull off his stuffed bra in a rather unorthodox and unusual manner. "But this Kyouya dude is...He's smart! Like, I don't think I'll be able to keep it a secret!" Gracelessly, Kaoru allowed himself to fall backwards onto their bedroom mattress with a loud '_thump_'.

Reaching out a foot to drag on the carpet and a hand to grip the edge of the wooden desk, Hikaru pulled himself to a spin-less stop before he got motion sickness and stood to walk over to their bedside table. With a quick motion, the older red head bent to withdraw something from the bottom drawer of their bedside table, and then i a second he was on top of his brother, straddling his twin with complete disregard for the mini skirt or Kaoru's irritability.

"Look what I got!" Gracelessly, Hikaru shoved the glossy-coated cover into his brother's face. "Look!"

"I don't want to look at your gay porn, Hika - Oh! Wow, is this heterosexual?!?" Attempting to struggle out from under Hikaru's equal but seemingly inescapable weight, Kaoru paused to take in the lewd picture of a naked woman in a rather exposed position and roll his eyes.

"Happy wedding!!" The other sang teasingly, leaning back on Kaoru's upper thighs and thumbing through the pages uninterestedly. "Figured you could pick up a few tips on...Oh, look! You can see it go all the way down, and there's a foot-note about suppressing the gag reflexes!!"

"You are waaaay too excited about this, now get off!" He thumped Hikaru on the knee, attempting to sit up before he was forced down onto his back again by a center-fold to the face.

"Aww, come on, Kaoru-chan - my cutsie little girl - you don't want to seem inexperienced on your wedding night~!" Hikaru laughed, tossing the porno to the side as the scuffle turned into a full-blown wrestling match with half-serious blows, which resulted on the two rolling around so much that they eventually fell onto the floor.

"'M not a - ag! - frigg - GIRL!" Kaoru scolded, rolling on top for a second before he felt the need to pull his skirt don and was pinned in his moment of weakness.

"But you look simply ravishing!" The older drawled teasingly. "If we weren't related, I'd have a hard time keeping my hands off you."

"You don't seem to have a problem with it now!"

"Ah, how rude!" Hikaru declared, looking affronted. "I could never take advantage of my poor, innocent, cutesy sister~!"

In another vain attempt to escape, Kaoru ended up on his stomach, face eating carpet. He pounded on the floor, also hit his brother in the back with his heel at the same time. "Moooooooom!!!" he hollered through the floorboard. "Hikaru's trying to deflower me before my wedding night!!!"

"AM NOT!!" The older boy yelled back, but rolled off his twin anyway, still laughing. Eventually Kaoru started laughing too, and in a matter of seconds they were rolling around on the floor, clutching their stomachs and howling until tears gathered in the corner of their eyes.

And then they finally quieted, backs on the floor, their legs in opposite directions and tops of heads fitting snugly in the napes of necks as two sets of amber eyes stared at the ceiling. Fingers twitched, and in a second, they were interlocking hands beside their ears, fingers twisted together tightly. Things were quiet, and the room was so still that they could hear the hum of the air conditioner in the walls.

"Hey Hikaru?" Voices sounded strange, almost like an echo.

"Yeah?" Another echo.

"Give me away?" And it was only half a joke.

A moment of silence, then the feeling of the older of the Hitachiins nodding against his ear, turning his head a placing a chaste kiss in his hair. "'Course."

* * *

Pregnancy had done nothing to reduce Fuyumi's slight obsession with making sure her 'baby' brother's life was in order. The first bout of child bearing seemed to have made her overly sobby, overly hormonal and overly sweet and spontaneous with feminine actions. This one, however - round two - made her...snappish, cruel, talkative and just slightly mean sometimes. She imposed, never knocking before barging into Kyouya's private quarters, and would often be rude, and entirely uncharacteristic trait for Fuyumi. However, Kyouya never really seemed to mind.

"So?" she demanded from her curled up position on his sofa as the bespectacled man entered his room after the 'date'. "What did you think of her?"

Kyouya was quiet, peeling off his sweater and draping it over the back of the couch, pausing before he continued into the room to lean over the backing and give Fuyumi a swift, routine peck on the cheek. He kicked off his shoes and ran a hand through his hair. There was silence except for the rustling of cloths; she was doing his laundry again, and humming lyrics to a song she had never really heard. Her stance was...expecting.

"I think she finds me boring," he said into the weighted silence, sounding fatigued.

"Oh?" Fuyumi's facial expression did not change, but her voice rose in lieu of an eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"

"She walked out halfway through dinner, although not without feeding me a thorough character-assasination speech that actually seemed to have a few points - dramatized, though. On top of that, she's loud, dresses like a pre-pubecent teenager is a pessimist and seems rather reluctant to be anywhere near me."

Fuyumi stopped her folding and placed a hand on her budging stomach, twisting to watch her brother over her shoulder skeptically. "I'm sure you could cook up some powerpoint showing reasonable and profitable reasons and pie-chart to marry a brainless breeder from a shipping company if this girl's too much work."

Kyouya seemed to consider it for a second, tapping his chin and leaning casually on the low set of dark drawers that sported a social-service collection of photographs of his family and childhood. And then... "No."

"What?"

"If this is really influential enough for father to deal with this girl's mother, who I'm sure is twelve times worse than her, I'll put up with her..."

Fuyumi's eyes sparkled. "Aw, you like her! How sweet! ...Now, do you have any watermelon and water crackers with pepper jack cheese?"

"Kitchen, but you have to get it yourself."

* * *

_ ....Well, I think it was cute...Anyway, ya wanna know what's coming next? Tehehehe...What is a wedding never complete without? Psh, no, not a stag party - not in the Ootori house... But how else do you expect the other upperclass girls gonna meet our little Kao-chan other than a bridal shower? XDDD Stay tuned! And remember, reviews = love = I update sooner!_


	4. Chapter Three: Grin And Bear It, Right?

_Whoop, woop! An update!! I know, how surprising, especially on my part. I'm supposed to be resting, but ear infections are a thing of the past! Any kid who can't deal with a little infection and still write does not deserve to call themselves an Otaku!! But, aside from that, this chapter contains a lot or interactions, as well as pairings, which I'm gonna let reveal themselves. But for those who don't know, Reiko is a character from the manga, who stalks Hunny and is part of the Black Magic Club. So...Yeah. Puns! Ahhh...Un-beta'ed, but enjoy!!!_

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**Chapter Three:**

**Grin And Bear It...Right?**

* * *

"Mother,_ Mommy_, don't make me do this. I look like a mountain-plains girl!"

"Kaoru, dear, relax. It's your bridal shower, and you look beautiful," Yuzuha purred happily, leaning over against her seatbelt to her her son's (once again) extension accessorized hair. She smiled, even as the boy ducked out from under her hand, snarling a bit behind clenched teeth.

"Mom!!"

"Oh, sweetie, calm down. You'll love it!! Bridal parties are always fun, especially when you're the center of attention." She flipped her hand encouragingly and dissuasively. "Just soak it all up, honey. It'll be a day and night to remember."

"Oh, stop -" The car began to slow, turning off the main road to pull up into a procession of cars that lead to the Ootori estate. Kaoru sunk low in his seat. "No...no...no...Why couldn't Hikaru have come with me, again?"

"Tradition, dead. No men, no matter what. And stop slouching; you'll wrinkle you box-topped prototype of my spring fall collection."

"No men? So I can go home?" the boy asked sardonically, sneering even as he straightened up and extracted a compact mirror to check his hair. "I do _not_ want to do this."

"_Weeeeellll_....To late," Yuzuha said sweetly, undoing her seatbelt and out of the open car door before Kaoru could even register that the car had pulled to a complete stop and that the driver had opened his mother's side door.

For a second he considered just refusing to get out of the car; cross his legs and pretend to be PMSing, but that was a stupid idea (one even he could admit was poorly though out) and, begrudgingly, he shifted across seat to follow his mother onto the front, grassy lawn on the Ootori estate.

A large, green section of well-trimmed yard stretched around to the left of the house, the pathway decorated with pastel blue, pink and yellow streamers and white balloons, all reeking of femininity and long hours spent pointlessly over making the twirls in the streamers perfect. Once rounding the corner to the back yard, there was an array of tables adorning the grass in an open, yet fancy and classy pattern, and a long table laden with large platters of every type of food imaginable off to the side with waiters in white and black tailored suits flitting back and forth between the guests already seated and the buffet. Up on the patio, a slightly older crowd was gathered around a small bar, cosmos in hand and empty fingers fluttering around their mouths to hide snide remarks and even snider smiles.

Pleasant chatter and soft music rose from the garden in general, as well as a few high pitched cackles from children running around in satin dresses and silk dress shirts. Heavily pregnant women waddled around, making idle small talk with others before inevitably returning to the food. Baby-doll brides who looked too young to have expensive rings on their barely pubescent fingers watched the older, more mature, more drunken women with large eyes and stuttered (quite loudly) whenever asked to voice their opinions. People laughed, people smiled, people acted girly, and Kaoru knew no one.

"Moth -" But Yuzuha has already left, having been waved over by a mix of three cosmo ladies, a baby-doll bride and two pregnant women._ Now_ Kaoru was alone, surrounded by people but utterly alone, Perhaps he should be happy that he wasn't attracting as much unwanted attraction as he originally had feared, but at the same time, he thought he should be receiving at least some form or recognition. It felt awkward to be in a strange place full of people with no one to ask questions or talk to or just be lost with. Dejectedly, he made his way for the bar, then thought better of it and turned to head to the buffet.

Maybe they'd have the strawberry pocky his mother always used to send them via airmail... Or else some French delicacies, or even English ones. Something familiar...Maybe ootoro...

"Excuse me?" a voice behind Kaoru asked, and he jumped, attempting to cover the startle by turning to face the woman, smiling forcibly and looking a little flustered. A small brunette woman giggled. "Are you Hitachiin Kaoru?"

"I, uh...Well, yes. Yes, I am. And...You are?"

"Suoh Haruhi. I'm Kyouya's friend; we went to school together."

"Oh, how nice," Kaoru observed, attempting to sound more interested than he felt. Looking Haruhi up and down, he noted the style of the shirt she wore: open and breezy from the elastic under-breast strap down. It almost looked a size too big, as well as stretchy...A maternity shirt? "I...Forgive me for asking but are you, uh...?"

"Pregnant?" Haruhi smiled, a contagious expression that one couldn't help but reproduce. "Yes. Only a few months, though. Not really showing yet."

"Oh, how sweet. Congratulations!"

"So, you come from France, right?" Haruhi asked, picking up a plate and proceeding after Kaoru down the buffet line, picking sparingly at the food and disregarding most of the richer foods. "So did my husband. He was raised there, but I've never been. Is it nice there?"

"Yes," the red head replied, selecting several small finger foods. "...If you like wine, art and tourism. Most of the city is more concerned with peddling their goods, but it's really quite nice and calm some places, especially in the country."

"Ah, well, I'll have to insist he take me then," the chocolate eyed woman replied, reaching the end of the table with her plate. She smiled widely, invitingly. "Why don't you come sit with us?"

"Us?" Kaoru queried, and Haruhi motioned toward a table behind her.

"Haninozuka Reiko, Morinozuka Renge, Shindo Fuyumi, Ootori Matsuki and Ootori Yuki," she listed. "Other friends of Kyouya, and your future sisters-in-law."

"I..." _Haven't got anywhere else to go..._ He grinned sheepishly. "I'd love to."

Haruhi looked delighted and turned to breeze back to the rounded table, Kaoru trailing in her shadow. He peered at the women as he approached, trying to match barely known names to even less known faces (_one_ of them looked like Kyouya...) but failed. They appeared like a nice group of women from afar - polite, pretty, quiet and all-over ideal Ootori brides - but as they drew nearer and Haruhi slipped into an open chair, he realized something: they were all pregnant and looked irritable. Kaoru gulped.

" - Oh, and the mood swings! I swear, sometimes Akito thinks I'm going to kill him. Sometimes I want to." Giggles, nods of agreement.

"I've been eating more cake than Mitsukuni," a rather daunting and emotionless woman conceded. "I've tried various spells to prevent thus, but every time I ban a flavor from my diet, another flavor is introduced - from chocolate to pickled apple. I think I am dying." That sounded horrible, and Kaoru gaped, especially horrified as some of the women around the table laughed again. What was _with_ these people?!?!

"At least you can eat," a honey-haired woman sighed. She still retained her figure, but wore the same shirt-type as Haruhi, prematurely showing off her nonexistent baby-belly. "I can't keep anything down. Every morning, and then every night! The bathroom is my new bedroom."

"Awww," the obviously heaviest pregnant woman sighed in sympathy. "Have you tried seltzer water? Or eating something light before you get out of bed?"

"No, but I never want anything but spicy foods - especially in the morning!"

Well, Renge, they say the more you throw up, the smarter the baby will be," Haruhi said smiling. "And speaking of future smart babies, this is Hitachiin Kaoru; Kyouya's fiancee."

There was a collective 'ooooooh' and several smattered 'hi's, and sheepishly, Kaoru rose a hand in slight greeting.

"I'm Fuyumi. Shindo Fuyumi. Kyouya-kun's older sister," the heavily pregnant woman said, smiling slightly. She pointed to her right, to a woman with short black hair. "This is Yuki, my older brother Rei's wife. This is Matsuki," a woman with very long, braided blackish-brown hair and a slightly babyish face was indicated, "My older brother Akito's wife. This is Morinozuka Renge," the honey haired woman with very bad morning sickness gave him a slight smile. "And Haninozuka Reiko -" the strange, 'dying' woman... "- and Suoh Haruhi, but I take it you've already met."

"Uh, hi, everyone," Kaoru greeted in response, feeling a little hot in the face.

"Hello, Kaoru," the Renge woman greeted sweetly. "So, when do you plan on having children?"

Slightly off-put by the direct remark, the red head scoffed without thinking of the words that were coming out of his mouth. "Psh, never! Are you kidding me?" His answer was met with a heavy, weighted and pregnant (no pun intended) silence, and inside Kaoru wilted a bit, swearing at himself mentally before giving off a faux little laugh uneasily. "I...uh...Haha...I mean, not until we're officially married...Ha...ha..."

There was silence for a second more, and then Fuyumi spoke monotonously. "Make sure your first one's a boy, then. That way you're not at fault for having a girl who is useless to the family bloodline. You won't have to have two that way."

"Oh, unless it's twins, Kaoru-chan. Twins run in your mother's side of the family, don't they? You're a twin yourself, aren't you? Oh, there's a good chance you can have multiples!!" Was Renge's comment.

"You're a twin?" Matsuki asked interestedly. "A brother, right...?"

There was a collective giggle around the table.

"Uh...Yes?"

"Does he look like you?"

"Um, near identical. Most people thought we were identical twins...when we were little."

More giggles. Fuyumi especially, not even bothering to hide her chuckles behind a finely manicured fingernails like Yuki and Haruhi were. For some unbidden reason, Kaoru felt his cheeks flush a most undignified shade of red.

"Is he..." Matsuki's voice dropped a considerable amount, and she leaned forward conspiratorially, if not somewhat shyly. "...Single?"

Kaoru's jaw dropped. His back stiffened up, and he felt a shiver run though her whole body as Renge shook her head with a small, almost sad smile. "She means 'is he straight'; she's just bring shy about it."

"I...wait...What?" Amber eyes flicked downward to her moderately sized stomach bulge, not quite sure if he had heard the woman just claim her husband was... "If...if he's not...Well...Y'know...How'd you get like...That?" The Hitachiin asked, crossing his panty-hoed legs under the table while his fingers plucked at his chocolate covered strawberries.

Matsuki shrugged, but continued to smile (in fact, all the women were smiling and it was rather disconcerting). " 'Grin and Merit'."

"Uh...Do you mean 'grin and bear it'?" Kaoru asked.

No one said anything for a while, and the Hitachiin-in-drag got the distinct impression he was missing out on something and floundered. But then the topic switched to nipple tenderness and hyper sexuality, and Kaoru retired himself to this company with a sigh.

* * *

Kyouya shifted, standing up from the conference table as the other men disbanded from the meeting in the top-most floor of Nekozawa Corp. Listlessly, he replaced papers in a portfolio, organizing them as small talk drifted in and out of discern-ability and people exited the darkened room, wincing as blinding white lights hit them in the retina. Nekozawa Umehito still sat at the head of the table, still looking over the proposals and other pieces of paperwork he'd received at some point in time over the meeting.

Just as the Ootori pushed the last manilla envelope into his bag, the blond man looked up. "Ah, Kyouya. It's been a while."

Kyouya nodded in agreement. "Yes. Two years, I believe, since our last business transaction?"

"Yes, yes. Shrouded in darkness until the light finds us and guides our paths to cross again. That light seemingly being..." And here he consulted another piece of paper. "...'Extra security at your hospital and private family estate'. What's the occasion, may I ask?"

"Fuyumi-san's second child. A hospital expansion. And my wedding."

A dark chuckle. "My, my. Engaged, are you? Tarot cards do lie, then; they swore that you'd never settle."

"Surprisingly enough. And even to a Hitachiin."

"No need to sound bitter, Kyouya-san," Umehito chuckled. "A wedding is a chance to be happy, make memories and build bonds."

"Yes...bonds.." Kyouya buckled his bag and slung the shoulder strap over his arm, nodding in a casual-yet-let's-cut-this-short farewell to his old classmate. "Goodbye, Umehito-san."

"Yes, goodbye Kyouya-san. Watch out for bad omens."

* * *

"You left me!!" Kaoru all but screamed the second the elongated black car exited the main gates of the Ootori estate. It was just getting dark out, and the clouds had begun to roll in just as the string quartet began to pack up.

"Aw, honey, it can't have been that bad," Yuzuha waved off in turn. "I had to help Kyouya-kun's maids organize the party gifts. And plus, it looked like you made some new friends. Wasn't that the other three Ootori girls you were with?"

"Yes." His response was muffled by disinterest and scowling out of the window. The first drops of rain flecked the tinted glass, although in his current state, it felt more like a slap to the face. "And a Suoh, a Haninozuka and a Morinozuka. I swear to god, they talk as if their lives were soap operas! All they're missing is an alien cross-dressing child."

A hand patted Kaoru's head, petting his hair to smooth down the static frizz that seemed to follow even fake hair extensions in humid, pre-rain weather. "Aww, sweetie..." she crooned. "They have _you_!"

The boy/girl sneered and pulled out his pone, scrolling through the contacts. "I only really liked the Haruhi one. She even gave me her phone number and told me to call if I needed anything..." He continued to scroll before remembering speed dial. It rang about three times, and then someone finally picked up. Without even leaving the other time to ask who was calling, Kaoru cut across smoothly with a, "Hello, Hikaru?"

"Mh? Oh, hey Kaoru." A sly tone edged its way into his twin's voice. "How was it?"

"Oh, brother-mine. I have something to tell you. The two of us, you and I, will be having wonderfully grotesque inbreed children to void this marriage contract into possibly one of the most overdramatic families I have ever met. Alas, I wish there were some other way, but I'm already inseminated as it is. Plus, as it is, incest always worked for the Greek Gods, and with a story like this under my belt, I can still fit in with all the Stepford-Wife-style breeders!"

"That bad, huh? Is mother making a face?"

"Yeah."

"Wonderful."

"See you at home."

"See ya, Kao-chan!"

* * *

_Ahahahaha! Yuzuha's being mean to her son, but the twins know how to get her back...Wouldn't HikaKao little GreekGod!babies be cute!!??!?! Ah...Anyay, I'm toying with the idea of making Kyouya and Nekozawa have a history...One that maybe causes some disturbances within the family and marriage, mainly concerning...erm...infidelity...But I dunno...o.o_

_XDD You know, I have nine reviews per chapter right now. My reviews page says '999' XDDD And I'm also insanely happy that I have almost as many alerts as I do reviews in general!! People seem to really like this story, which makes me happy!!!_

_As is customary, I shall give a little hint about the next chapter to keep people interested. Let's see...we have...The Rehersal Dinner, a bit of witty banter between the future Mr and Mrs Ootori Kyouya and even a little bit of rather off-ish!twincest!! 3 Reviews are luuuuuuuurved (because the more I get, the more I want to update!)_

_Now, I'll shut up, before this AN becomes officially longer than it should and overshadows your want to, like, be extra superly sweet and drop a review to give me something to ignore my weekend homework for tomorrow!! REVIEW!!!!_


	5. Chapter Four: Practice Makes Worse

_Whoo! Lookie, lookie! An update! I meant to have this out last weekend, but...y'know...That thing called life is a real bitch, ain't it? Anyway, here's the promised chapter! Enjoy the un-beta'ed ness! I, personally, like this chapter, but the entire story's beginning tog get a bit repetative - main plot point, and then a twin interaction and something with Kyouya - but after this chapter, that doesn't really happen anymore. Anyway, without further ado, I bring you...:_

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Four:**

_Practice Makes Worse_

* * *

"Kaoru, you coming out?"

"No."

"But -"

"No."

"Why not?"

"No!"

Hikaru sighed, leaning his forehead against the wood of the deep rich door. He had been standing outside the dressing room in the elaborate wedding home for thirteen minutes, attempting to convince his little brother to come out of the upstairs dressing room long enough to run through the rehearsal for tomorrow night. It was already dark outside, the inside of the upper hallway of the mansion-for-rent lit by low watt lightbulbs that cast soft glows across the softly painted; meanwhile, downstairs, preparations for the wedding preceded and a parent from both attending parties (Ootori Yoshio and Hitachiin Yuzuha) idled, directing chair placement and guest lists. Also attempting to regulate the chaos of the 'morrows wedding: the groom (but Hikaru hadn't told his twin that, fearing that it would cause Kaoru to regress further than he already had into the depths of the mansion). So, sighing, the older of the Hitachiin twins tried again.

"Well, at least let me in? If Mum screwed up your rehearsal dress, I'm sure I could make some adjustments."

"The dress is fine," was Kaoru's muffled response. "And the second I open the door, you'll drag me out."

"Ah, foiled again," and Hikaru chuckled. He sighed then. "C'mon, _Kao-chan_...For your darling big brother who's giving you away to your future husband." Silence; a shuffle, the sound of high heels clicking against the floor, then the sound of a lock sliding out of the hatch. "There's a good little sister. Now, let's go before Mother has a conniption fit."

Silently, the older of the red heads reached for his younger brother, threading an arm securely around Kaoru's waist before proceeding to half-drag, half-escort him down the hall and grand staircase.

"Hm, so this is what we would have looked like as girls," Hikaru purred into his twin's ear, cautious of any prying ears. "Damn...We're pretty hot...I'd do us." And he momentarily moved behind his (not so) identical twin brother bucking his hips lightly into Kaoru's backside and grinning evilly, digging his nose into the "woman's" neck. "Assuming, of course, that consoles you."

No response; not of shared laughter nor an affectionate rebuttal. Instead, Kaoru stiffened and then turned to shove him away lightly. "...Someone might see..."

Hikaru wilted, but kept an arm around his twin's waist as they made their way into the dining hall, unnoticed amidst all the hustle and bustle of chair arrangements and directions. "No sex play to cheer you up? C'mon, we always felt better after making some of our class mates squirm." He tried to laugh it off, but when he looked over to see an intense look of worry on Kaoru's face, Hikaru felt disconcerted. "Whats really wrong, Kao?"

"What's wrong?" the younger asked, his voice cracking. "What's wrong? I'm marrying a total fucking _stranger_, Hikaru!! On top of that, and _Ootori _and a _male_! Is that not _wrong_ to you?!"

He had no answer, but Kaoru didn't really seem like he was fishing for one.

"And I have to lie about it - I'm not a good actor, and I am _not _a girl!! I have no idea what Mother was thinking, or if she even had a plan to get through this; and worst of all, I have to _leave _you in order to play house with that old man stuck in a boy's body. We...we have been in Japan for a little over a month, and I'm already getting married..."

"Kao -"

"Oh, Kaoru-chan! Hikaru-kun! You're here!" Yuzuha exclaimed brightly, waltzing over to them just as both the Ootori men turned and took notice of the twin's arrival. Still smiling, the Hitachiin matriarch looped her arm with Kaoru's, pulling her younger son away and toward the half-built alter, passing row after row of white fold-out chairs strained in garland and bustling butlers.

Kyouya stood under the lights, waiting at the end of the isle for his bride-to-be and mother-in-law-to-be. When they reached the end of the isle, Yuzuha all but shoved Kaoru into the Ootori heir's personal bubble in front of the alter before receding to talk timing and schedule and generally other things that didn't really concern them. "Alright, you two stay there - Hikaru, sit down and stop looking so moody. Now, Ootori-san, how long will this ceremony take...in a ballpark estimate...."

"Uuuuuuug..." Kaoru slumped dejectedly, feeling slightly sick and wishing he had never left the dressing room.

"Is something wrong?" the cool voice of Ootori Kyouya spoke from next to him.

"Ah, no, Ootori-san..." Was the enthuthiastic response.

They were quiet for a second as both their parents attempted to coach the violins to play the wedding march slower. And then: "I believe if we are to be married, it would due good for us both to be on the same name basis - as you have insisted I call you by your first name. Otherwise, people may find it inappropriate."

"Alright," Kaoru agreed, nodding. "Alright."

"Do you dance, _Kaoru_?"

"A little, _Kyouya_."

"I could coach you if you'd like. Or hire a coach."

"Attempt to teach me in one night - when we're not even supposed to see each other?" the red head scoffed. "You could be good, but no one's that good. In one night."

"Subtle improvements make all the difference," the brunette responded, seemingly despondent. In fact, it seemed that Kyouya was willing to be anywhere other than where he was at the moment, a feeling Kaoru knew all too well. Did that put them in the same boat, then? ...No...No, Kyouya was a boy, and not hiding that little fact.

"Well, I'll try not to step on your toes, then," he hissed back sourly.

"Did I do something to deserve such animosity from you, Kaoru?" Kyouya asked, tired of beating around the bush. Calculatedly, the twenty-one-year-old brushed his glasses off his nose to polish them on his silken shirt hem. "I don't recall offending you, but if I inadvertently did, I apologize."

Slightly taken aback, Kaoru was silent for a moment, frozen with his mouth hanging open. He, honestly, hadn't expected to have Kyouya pick up on his obvious disgruntled-ness so easily, and now he felt open, exposed and didn't like it. "I...well...I don't know anything about you and you know nothing about me. Doesn't that bother you? At all?"

The silver-framed spectacles were returned to their perch, and piercing grey eyes attached to the amber orbs. "I trust my father's match-making abilities - if this hadn't been a good match, neither of our parents would have suggested it. This marriage is just a formality; you see, we have the next year of our life at least to figure out if we're going to get along, and our companies have that year to either converge or split apart completely and untouchably. Either way, we have plenty of time to get to know each other."

"You...you don't believe in dating, do you?" Kaoru asked, mouth open again. "Haven't you ever gone on that one magical date with the one person who make you feel every single emotion at once?"

"I've never had time to properly date, nor have I felt the necessity to."

Kaoru sighed, relaxing into a sulk. "Well, I hoped to go on that date before getting married."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, then."

Yuzuha was screaming at the man adjusting the lighting, and extremely bright lights flooded the podium, making both of the soon-to-be newly weds to raise hands to their eyes in defense against the assault.

"I...I don't blame you, I guess..." Kaoru told the other sneering at the light until it was (mercifully) turned off. Blue flashes were imprinted on the inside of both their eyelids. "But I am going to take it out on you."

"That's rather childish, don't you think?"

"I don't ca -"

"Alright!! Alright, that's it! I'm done - whatever we didn't finish tonight, we can take care of last minute tomorrow. Seven in the morning!" Hitachiin Yuzuha's voice echoed a bit, and was quickly followed by the clatter of several chairs being knocked over. "Hikaru, Kaoru. Let's go."

"Coming, Mother," both twins echoed in unison, one standing and the other making to step down from the barely raised platform of the alter. But then, they both paused for different reasons; Kaoru stiffened and Hikaru glared.

"I don't believe I told you how...strangely pretty you looked tonight, Kaoru," Kyouya's breath ghosted over the back of his knuckles, slender fingers holding even smaller fingers before lightly brushing his lips over the pale, warm flesh. For a fraction longer than a second, the younger Ootori stayed like that, kissing the back of Kaoru's hand, and then Hikaru coughed.

Unbiddenly, Kaoru blushed.

"I look forward to tomorrow. I'm sure you will look excellent tomorrow - dancing or not." Hand slipped from hand, and, if possible, the Hitachiin's blush deepened.

* * *

"He kissed my hand!"

"I saw..."

"And - and - he _kissed_ my hand!!"

"Did he slip you tongue..." Hikaru glowered.

"_MY_ HAND!!"

"Aw, sweetie, I think it was a sweet gesture," the matriarch fluttered highly as she kicked off her expensive shoes once the door to the Hitachiin mansion closed. "Most arranged marriages start out with tension - the women always fear there will be no romance and that they will have love-less unions, and Kyouya-kun was probably trying to break that tension. It was sweet."

"What the hell do you know about arranged marriages, Mum?!??" Kaoru demanded, wiggling out of the skin-tight tan over-coat he'd put on over the green silken rehearsal dress. "You and Dad, like, eloped or something!"

This ruffled the woman a slight bit, and she blushed behind considerable amounts of rouge. "I think I'll retire for the night - it's late. See you in the morning, boys."

And she left them in the hallway, Kaoru's face still flushed and Hikaru brooding quietly. They watched her retreating back, glowering and chewing the sides of their cheeks until she was safely up the stairs and out of hearing range.

"Motherfucker!!" kaoru exclaimed under his breath. "It's like he _knew!_!"

"If he had known, he wouldn't have done that, would be?" Hikaru grumbled. "I don't think he's _that _smart."

"Oh, he's smart! I can tell. Too smart - I don't think I can pull this off! I don't even look like the type of girl the others are married to!" Together, the twins as well began to climb the stairs and turned into their bedroom, pushing open the door violently and all but throwing themselves onto the too-small bed. This resulted in both twins scrambling, the mattress being pushed off the frame, and two, sprawling red heads landing on top of each other, laughing a tad bit.

"trust me, Kaoru, you look like a girl," Hikaru panted after the laughter subsided a bit. Gently, he looped an arm around his brother's shoulders and pulling him down on his chest, ear to heart. "But you don't act very lady-like. You might give yourself away."

Kaoru snorted and pushed up, hands on either side of Hikaru's head. His eyes were wide, and painted lips in a full-on pout. He was breathing in a pant as well, but breathily and ultra feminine. And then: "Oh, Hikaru...How could you be so mean? You always say such mean things to me - I'm just a tender, innocent, female and you...you...you're breaking my heart!" A tear glistened in the corner of his eye, then fell, smudging mascara and eyeliner together in a black trail of paint.

Hikaru's breath caught in his throat. "Kao -"

_Fump! Fumpfumpfump!!_

Somehow, Kaoru had managed to obtain a pillow, and from his vantage point on his twin's hips, thumped the older boy over the head a few times in quick succession a couple times before Hikaru managed to get the upper hand and flipped his twin over, pinning his hands and wrists.

"Oh, you're such a little brat!" He was laughing again. "Ootori's in for a tussle on his wedding night."

"Psh, as if," Kaoru gave up fighting with a wry smile on his lips. They stayed that way for a second, and then Hikaru leaned forward, brushing his nose ever-so-lightly against his brother's, and when the pinned Hitachiin did not turn his head to the side, the other twin descended, kissing him lightly on the lips. They faltered like that for a second, until Kaoru felt a tongue probing through his lips and although it was strange and (he knew) unnatural, he tilted his head back and opened his mouth.

They kissed for a full three minutes. Eyes closed, bodies heating up and soft, fluttery moans barely escaping their lips. Hikaru allowed Kaoru to sit up, the pin turning into straddling as hands cautiously roved over chests, fake breasts, shoulders, necks and hair. And then, just as it seemed appropriate for Kaoru's hands to begin unbuttoning his brother's shirt, they both retracted at exactly the same time, scrambling back from each other as if they had been burned.

Harsh breathing, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips.

Tenderly, Kaoru held a hand to his mouth, filled with conflicting emotions and desires. He attempted to speak, but no words came out. He swallowed before shakily trying again. "What...what was that for?" Large amber eyes watched as his mirror image shrugged, purposefully looking away.

"Just making sure he didn't get your first kiss."

"I've kissed plenty of girls, Hikaru."

And here there was no suitable answer. They stood, undressed and crawled into bed. They held each other the same as they did every night, but somehow, this time seemed different, regretful. This time they were saying a sort of...wordless goodbye.

* * *

The Ootori residence was quiet, and yet semi-busy. The sun had barely risen, and already the estates occupants were up and dressed and moving about. The entire extended family had flown into the country from exotic places like Russia and Europe, and most of the rooms were filled by cousins and uncles, as well as the select friends of the family who were also staying within the residence.

Kyouya, youngest of the Ootori's and recently of age, had woken early and milled about his quarters for most of the morning, suffering not from nerves, but from over thinking, over calculating his wedding. There were many variables left up to chance with any wedding, although in this union it was mostly things directly related to the bride - although any flaws she had were redeemable by means of mistress, and any personal issues that grew between them were of little matter to him, as Kyouya rarely intended to see his wife, and certainly did not count on spending any quality time with the woman, although...he had to admit, there was a certain alluring quality about here - a mysterious one that matched her brother's sulking nature. It seemed like Hitachiin Kaoru had a secret, and there was nothing that either Kyouya, nor his brothers, enjoyed more than a brain teaser...

He decided it was a good time to shower at about six; to bathe thoroughly before dressing in the personally tailored pants, shirt and jacket that had been hung in his closet some time during the night. Warm, hot water ran through his hair, down his face and over his body in a calming, cleansing sort of way before swirling around the drain, While he showered, Kyouya's mind couldn't help but to wander, again.

Would Kaoru be willing to have children without peer pressure -if so, how many? Would that seemingly obsessive, possessive older brother hinder any approach he attempted to make on the younger woman? How, exactly, had his father intended to reap profits by taking over the Hitachiin business? How did he intend to do so now? Was it really worth marrying this girl really worth a couple extra million in stocks and the (inevitably fragile) safety-net alliance?

Kyouya turned off the water and stepped out to dry himself.

Was that foul attitude and pessimistic outlook going to follow them into the marriage? If she cheated on him, what would the reasons she give be? Too much work on his part? Not enough romance? (Oh, the options were so numerous). What would be her terms and conditions for playing the part of 'happy-wife' in front of others? Money? (That had been Yuki's.) Freedom? (That had been Fuyumi's.) That aforementioned affair? (That had been Matsuki's.) Was Kaoru a redhead all over -

"Oh, sorry, senpai. I didn't realize you were in one of the various stages of undress."

The Ootori had emerged from the bathroom, towel slung low around his hips and hair still dripping, only to find Haruhi lounging on his couch across from his bathroom door, feet perched upon the coffee table and reading a magazine. She was the only other person in his rooms, and he was otherwise naked, and yet she was unfazed by his partial nudity, the same for him and her presence.

"You look lovely in the bride's maid dress, Haruhi," he commented, crossing toward the the closet and passing behind the couch. Her head did not turn to follow his movements; in fact, the woman didn't look up from her reading at all, and casually flicked a page.

"Thank you," she said. "I feel like a cow, though...Are you excited?"

"Over what?" he threw over his shoulder, pulling his undergarments up his legs before removing the towel and making to step into the finely cut, pleated slacks.

"Don't tell me you don't feel at least a twinge of anticipation about your wedding day," she cooed in semi-disbelief. "Even if it is an arranged marriage, a marriage is a wonderful bond between two people."

Turning to her, Kyouya began to pat dry his hair and torso. "Tamaki rubbing off on you, or is your pregnancy making you a hopeless romantic?"

He could practically hear Haruhi shrug. "Both, I guess...Do you like this girl?"

"She's...opinionated, loud, snappish, severally attached to her brother and too bold for her gender," he recited, pulling on the tailored dress shirt and casually striding over to sit opposite Haruhi. On the way, he paused to pick up a different magazine - some financial rag - and used it to shove the brunette's heeled feet off his coffee table.

"Well, I like her. She seemed to be a real nice girl, albeit a little reluctant in everything. A little bothered by children, but not snotty or anything." She smiled. "Opinionated? Loud You know who that sounds like?"

Kyouya groaned. "Tamaki..."

"Yes, Tamaki. Darling Tamaki..." A smirk. "Anyway, your sister sent me in here - we need to leave in eight minutes for the wedding home. After all, it's your wedding day."

* * *

_Alright! Pre-emptive strike against flamers! I know, everyone seems a bit sexist. But, if you think about what I'm trying to demonstrate here, the higher class children were raised in a very sexist atmosphere, where women had their place and men had all the power. So, thus, Kaoru's a real-step-OUT of that norm and he knows it. Well, Haruhi's a bit out of the norm, too and - OH! BTW! She makes another apperance! I'm likin' her, so expect more! And more Fuyumi, and sadly, less Hikaru until the plot calls for it._

_So, yes, review! I write faster. And - what? What?! The preview! Oh, well...in one, hyphenated word...."THE-WEDDING-(NIGHT!)" Stay tuned!_


	6. Chapter Five: I Do Only Because I Gotta

_Ohmigawd!! UPDATE! Ya'know, ya'll were gonna have to wait 'til this weekend, but luckily enough, I had a headache bad enough to make me hurl once, so mah mumsie made me stay home, even if I felt fine~ ^^ Thus, you get this wonderful little chapter...-cue dramatic music- I now present you!!!!_

* * *

**Chapter Five:**

_I Do, (Only Because I Gotta)_

* * *

He wore black, and he wore white. 'I do's were exchanged, applause smatter and glasses were raised. Beautiful women in magenta with distended abdomens were on the left, behind Kaoru. Hansom men in a color that bordered between black and dark blue with solemn faces stood to the right, behind Kyouya. And when the rings were asked for, Fuyumi's first child - little Soshi - toddled up with a diamond ring and silver band. The rings were exchanged, and the two were pronounced 'man and wife'.

And now the attending party had moved into the ballroom, and person after person approached the newly weds to offer their congratulations or words of marital advice that promptly fell upon deaf ears. The stringed quartet played simple chamber music while others mingled and toyed with their finger foods or champagne. Kyouya and Kaoru stood side by side, smiling in their brightly contrasting gown and suit. However, behind their pseudo-smiles, the groom had a killer headache and the bride's feet were beginning to lose all feeling in her stiletto heels.

Then, at long last, the guests cleared a small spot on the dance floor as the musicians reorganized their music stands, and Kyouya stepped away from Kaoru a fraction of a bit and bowed deeply, proffering a hand. "Our...wedding dance?"

Eyes flew toward them, smiling at the cute nature of the gesture. Gulping back the lump in his throat and forcing down the unholy blush that was rising in his cheeks, Kaoru nodded and hesitantly lay his neatly manicured hand on Kyouya's. A slow waltz was started up as the couple moved onto the dance floor; he wrapping his arm around "her" waist and "her" hand lightly resting on his shoulder. They stepped in time with the music - bodies stiff and dutifully not touching anything more than they had to - and true to his word, Kaoru did not step on Kyouya's toes.

"Was dancing part of your school curriculum?" the brunette asked quietly as they turned, leaning closer to speak in the other's ear.

"Only for a semester, and we mostly just studied ballet. You?"

"I was taught as a child. It was part of what is expected of my familial breeding."

"'Familiar breeding'?" Kaoru echoed, a sneer only evident in his tone. "It sounds like you're a pet, or something."

"Oh? And how's that?"

"It just sounds more...anal retentive than if you'd said 'raised' or 'taught'. Is your entire family so uptight and proper?"

"I don't think I like the general picture of my family that you're painting, but my family is descended from a fine line of dukes. My brothers and I are the product of excellent breeding, whether that sounds animalistic or not and we were raised with etiquette and tutors and very few frivolous extras." There was an implied _'unlike you'_ at the end of his sentence.

Kaoru made a sour face and looked as if he was about to make a snappish come-back when the tinkling sounds of metal hitting champagne glasses echoed throughout the dance hall. The stringed instruments quieted, pitsicato-plucking their violins and cellos softly as the two dancers pulled to a stop. The red head pulled back from the brunette, looking around with wide, amber eyes. "What are they doing?"

Kyouya sighed. "Traditionally, the tapping of glass indicates that the bride and groom must kiss." And he made to lean dutifully forward, only to witness Kaoru jump backward a fraction. A slender, dark eyebrow rose. "Is this a problem?"

The Hitachiin (turned Ootori as soon as the paperwork was finished processing) nodded vigorously, gaze darting past the giggling faces to the only figure in the room not tapping his glass: Hikaru. The glare that his older brother was favoring them with was making Kaoru uneasy and even more unwilling to follow through with what tradition dictated. "I, uh - cold sore. Right here -" He tapped his mouth "-pretty contagious. Mhm..."

"Really?" That eyebrow lowered, and Kyouya leaned forward, intense grey eyes staring at the point the other hand indicated. "I don't see anything..."

"Right he -" Instantly Kaoru was cut off by a pair of soft, warm lips over his, and before he could wildly swing at his new husband, the touch was gone; a disgustingly chaste smack following it. A smattering of applause broke out, the band started up again and the red head blushed. "...H-here...?" he finished, frozen and voice an octave higher.

"Don't look so dumbstruck, Hitachiin," Kyouya cooly brushed off. "Ah, Kaoru, I mean...It makes you look stupid."

"Stupid?! Why, you -" A hand slipped around Kaoru's waist, pulling him in closer as a camera shutter clicked. The photographers had converged upon the newlywed couple, taking picture after picture as other couples began to trickle out onto the dance floor, including but not limited to: Yoshio and Yuzuha, Yuki and (who Kaoru assumed was) Rei, Matsuki and Akito, Fuyumi and Shinichi, Renge and Morinozuka Takashi, Reiko and Haninozuka Mitsukuni, and - strangely enough and probably in lieu of her proper husband and his proper date - Haruhi and Hikaru.

Golden champagne fountains trickled streams of bubbly alcohol, silver platters carried through the crowds of people were mounted with piles of native and exotic delicacies (Strawberry pocky, Kaoru was thrilled to discover, as well as all manner of spicy finger foods). Old women, older men, middle-aged people and those who were even younger divided into groups to giggle and chatter in the comforting buzz of drunken-ness, speaking (too loudly to be a whisper) about how long the new couple would last. This did not exclude Kaoru's own mother and brother, Kyouya's extended family and even the bobbing-bellied pregnant women, enjoying the allowed lapse of responsibility. In fact, the only two who did not have an ounce of alcohol in their bloodstream were the bride and groom, who had been sidetracked every time they attempted to get to the fountain by tipsy guests in formal gowns who were attempting to form coherent congratulations.

Music tinkled through the crowd, sweet and relaxing and yet - as the brunette groom and red headed bride finally made their way to their designated seats and cold dinner - neither could be more irate. Who knew weddings were taxing? Why on earth would women be willing to go through this three, sometimes even four times in their life time?!

"If this marriage was just supposed to be a formality, why couldn't it be small?" Kaoru demanded, feeling his feet finally lose feeling after almost two and a half hours strapped in mini-heeled shoes. "Or no wedding at all? Just those signed papers and we could go on our way?"

"Formality, still; and and all remotely successful paper would have a field day cooking up non-sequential scandals about an arranged marriage that did not put both parties on display, and that would effect both our family companies. Imagine all the lies their could spread, and then this would all be for nothing," Kyouya replied, pulling off his glasses to wipe with a soft cloth. It was barely noticeable, but he had broken a light sweat across his forehead after all that time under blazing hot display-like lights. "And plus, I thought you would be one for memories and everything - to show your children and extended family."

"What children?" Kaoru asked before he caught himself, quickly correcting, "Oh...well...you're wrong. I'm not one for scrap-booking."

"And yet you're a romantic?"

Amber eyes narrowed. "Only compared to you, I suppose."

"Well," Kyouya responded curtly, still slightly unsure of what to make of his new bride but willing to play to the other's personality for the time being. He raised a glass of rather flat champagne (it had been sitting there as long as their cold pasta had been) and allowed it to lightly 'clink' the lipstick-stained rim of Kaoru's already empty glass in a pseudo-toast. "To marriage."

Kaoru faltered for a second, but then looked directly into the eyes or his husband, past glasses lenses into cool, calculating eyes for the first time since they had met. "Y...yeah...To marriage, I guess..."

* * *

They had to share a room. A _room_. And a bed. A_ bed!!!_

Kaoru was in shock, standing stock still in the doorway, eyes wide open as he attempted to take in every aspect of his new bedroom, which seemed more like a whole apartment than a single room of relaxation. His original thought of the Ootori estate had been that it looked a lot like a fitness center or a high tech doctor's lab: large windows, paneled floors and ceilings, dark corridors that were daunting and (lead to who knew where!) shadowed if the overwhelming hall lights were not turned on. And now, looking at the clean, organized and modern aspect to it, the whole household made the incognito boy shiver and feel as if he were under a microscope; a lab rat in a maze. It would be amazing if he didn't get lost the first several times he tried to navigate the Ootori mansion.

Kyouya stood at the base of a staircase that lead to a loft-like second floor that over-looked the open living-room area over a low, glass-paneled railing. He could see the outline of what appeared to be the dreaded bed and, resignedly but determinedly, the younger of the two hefted the overnight pack that Hikaru had shoved into his arms before they had all departed a little higher over his shoulder and quickly trotted over to the brunette, who turned and lead the way up the stairs.

It was indeed a bed - a large bed, with no headboard, and with two matching bedside tables on either side. A white sheet, exposed by a folded back dark blue duvet and matching pillows. It looked to be a hard-topped mattress, and would probably cause a few cricks in Kaoru's neck by morning. He groaned quietly.

"Well...sit down," Kyouya invited, motioning toward the bed while he moved to disrobe in by the built-in wall wardrobe, pulling off his cloths without any consideration of the uncomfortable atmosphere he may be setting for his new bride.

"I...um..." Kaoru flushed a bit, averting his eyes and moving toward the bed. "Okay." The smooth white fabric of the wedding dress shifted, riding up and wrinkling a bit as Kaoru kicked off his shoes and scooted back toward the pillows. He took a steady breath, attempting to calm his jittery nerves. "O-okay."

The room was painfully bland, and hard to concentrate on anything _other _than the rustle of stripping that was coming from Kyouya's corner, but Kaoru diligently kept his gaze elsewhere. His bag, dragged up alongside him, easily attracted his attention, and he pulled it onto his lap, unzipping it to riffle through the contents that Hikaru must have packed this morning without him knowing: GameBoy, studies (i.e. fashion magazines) a change of cloths that were androgynous enough to make him feel comfortable in his own skin, hairbrush, toothbrush, sketchbook and..._WHAT!?!?!?_

Kaoru's mind reeled too violently for him to process the fact that he was no longer alone on the bed until the other man was directly next to him. A hand moved across his waist, barely brushing the red head's hip before proceeding to rest on the cool cover of the mattress - this made looming over the Hitachiin an easy task. Kaoru tensed, jolting backward to avoid skin-to-skin contact. His face was pale and blank, drained of all color; eyes wide, mouth slightly open. He had no idea how to deal with this situation and every protest his mind formulated seemed to die on the way out of his throat.

A mouth was next to his ear, whispering. "Relax, Kaoru..."

"A-another of your formalities?" Kaoru stuttered in turn, stiffening and blushing darkly.

"If you wish to think of it that way..." Kyouya offered, and somehow, his indifference to the whole situation stung, even as his mouth moved away from the ear and he looked down at the form beneath him with an x-raying vision. "Is there anything I should...know before we do this?" he asked, tone implying an unspoken question of fidelity.

_Like I'm a boy?_

"N-n..." It didn't seem to matter what his response was. Soft, warm hands touched him. Running sensually up his side in a way that would be considered foreplay in any less terrifying a situation. Deft fingers skimmed over his cheek, brushed veins and bones protruding from his neck, traced the line of his exposed collar bone, strummed over the shivering flesh of his arm arm and seemingly stroking his stomach before drifting down...down...down...

Red lights! Bells! Ringing alarms and - most surprising and scary of all warning signs - the faintest twinge of excitement. "N-n-no!! Stoppit! Don't!"

He thrashed a bit, one hand flying up to knock Kyouya's arm away from him before hitting him directly in the center of the chest; the other arm flailed out to the side, managing to catch on one of the backpack's straps. Zipper undone, the contents were spewed across the bed.

Slightly miffed, Kyouya immediately sat up and moved off the red head, his own hand massaging the place where - he knew - there would be some sort of blossoming red imprint on his skin. The magazines that had been so compactly placed in the bag crackled, shifted and shuffled under his weight, but the brunette paid the items no head, instead pushing up his glasses on the bridge of his nose and giving the red head a hard, calculating look. "Is something wrong?" he asked in a surprisingly calm voice given the speed of that mini-ordeal (only a professional that had spent years under his skin would be able to pick out the worry at his bride's behavior, and even then, not even Fuyumi, Tamaki or even _Haruhi_ always read him correctly).

"I..." Kaoru sat up on his elbows, breathing hard and flustered more than should be humanly possible. "I...I...What are you staring at?"

For, indeed, despite the unnatural and tense state of the moment, Ootori Kyouya was no longer looking at his wife, instead gazing at an object between his pajama-clad knees with wide, slightly amused grey eyes. Although almost invisible, especially in the shadowed light of his bedroom, a small tweak of the lips was present on his face. "I get it now..."

"Huh? Get what?"

"I'm not your type," Kyouya drawled, picking up the magazine and waving it in Kaoru's face. The bottom dropped out of Kaoru's stomach. The PORNO!!!! "Are you a lesbian, Kaoru-chan?"

"I - WHAT!?!?! No! No, no! My idiot brother must have - have...ACCIDENTALLY packed that in there! It's his, I swear!! I - I..."

"I have nothing against it," Kyouya glossed over easily, flicking through the pages of the lesbian love-rag as unaffectedly as if it were a biology textbook. "Your preferences are of no concern to me, just keep them otherwise to yourself."

Kaoru's face felt hot and his hands itched to strangle something (Hikaru) at the sheer unfairness of this situation. "No, you don't understand! I don't like girls! Seriously, I don't!"

"Whatever you say. Goodnight, then." He was so...so casual!

Rather put off as Kyouya gently pushed the remaining miscellaneous items that covered the bed onto the floor and slipped under the covers, Kaoru got the inclination that the conversation was over, and had no other choice but to stare at the dark figure for a second longer before stuttering: "G....good n-night...then..." And following his example.

* * *

_-coughcough- For those who didn't catch it...Kyou-cutie was wearing pj pants...-just saying- XDD Anyway...Everyone think's Kaoru's a lesbian - haha!! But, hey, at least we get him saying 'I don't like girls' X3 That's the equivalent to saying 'I like men' in my speak, so I just HAD to throw it in in that last bit. Speaking of throwing stuff in, I just wanna marvel at how, when I have this all neatly pre-written in a sweet little school-worthy notebook that has power-of-aoi enough to rival the Host Club's profit book, that all these chapters come out intensely more detailed than they were meant to be. I mean, that little faux-foreplay there was all on-demand written!! But...ah well, I'm not complaining..._

_So...preview? Kaoru's in for a rude awakening, only to go exploring and get scolded like a small child...Meanwhile, Kyouya must endure a chat with his best friend...Who is distressed that he was never told about this "wedding' X3 Stay tuned! And review!!! -throws hearts and cookies at-_


	7. Chapter Six: Snooping From France

_Yay!! Update!! Amazing, isn't it?!? ...Well, I think it is. :D I finally had the inspiration to finish typing it up, because between making mass AMVs and RPing and feeling the need to spend more quality time with people and after school activities, I haven't really been writing much. But, still, enjo__y!_

* * *

**Chapter Six:**

_Snooping From France_

* * *

Tiredly blinking, Kyouya rubbed his eyes and suppressed a yawn. His senses - barely awakened in the still infinitesimal hours of the morning - were slowed, jet lagged and dulled by a noun best known as 'blood type', but even in his current , grumpy, lethargic stupor, the Ootori still managed to sit upright and hold a casual telephone conversation with someone. That someone, of course, being the source of his current headache.

"Kyouya~!!" Whined the demeanor voice on the other end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting married!?!? I would have thrown you the most excellent, amazing, -tastic and utterly unbelievable stag party!"

"Sorry, Tamaki," the brunette sighed as the hum of pavement against wheels made its way through the seat. "It was a rather impromptu affair, one set in motion by our parents and solely for financial reasons. In fact, I'm amazed that the bridal shower and wedding were put together in the allowed time, let alone even the thought of a bacholorette or stag party."

There was an audible pout from the other end of the telephone, and just as Kyouya was about to tell his friend to _'either talk or hang up; I'm tired'_, Tamaki spoke again. "Well, why didn't you call to tell me!?! We must have talked countless times, and yet you mentioned nothing about this woman!!"

"That would be because you monopolized our long-distance conversations with questions about Haruhi and the baby, when you could have just talked to her about those sort of personal things."

"I do talk to Haruhi, but I needed an objective third party opinion! We both know that Haruhi would never admit anything was wrong with her, but in reality, I know that there is always something that could be improved upon in her previously impoverished life-style, don't you agree?" Tamaki took a breath, but did not leave the other man enough time to respond before going off, quite loudly, on another track. "Speaking of wrong, what has defected your brains!?! I don't even find out about this marriage until I call Haruhi's cell and ask why someone's playing the wedding march in D-major, only to get told 'Kyouya's getting married - love you, bye' and hung up on!? Who was your best man!?! Who taught you how to dance!?! And who _was _this girl, anyway!?!"

When it finally seemed the blond Suoh had ended his miniscule rant, Kyouya took a moment - pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose to stall for a moment to think - before he carefully started, "As I said before, Tamaki, this is an emotionless marriage, and while she seems like a nice enough girl, I believe she may be more into women than men to begin with, and is nothing more than a tool to trade between companies -"

"KYOUYA!!" Tamaki objected angrily at such a reference to a woman, but was paid no heed.

"-That would probably be why neither Haruhi, nor I, deemed it necessary to tell you. As for my best man, Rei-san and Hunny-senpai shared the role - and before you ask, yes, Haruhi was a bride's maid and she looked very nice in her dress." Although the other couldn't see it, Kyouya took the time to roll his eyes at the pleased giggle-sound from the other end of the line. "And her name is Kaoru."

Silence reigned, and in lieu of an exaggerated and overzealous response from the Suoh on the other end of the connection, Kyouya wondered whether or not they had been disconnected (France to Japan phone calls just weren't what they used to be). But then the conversation resumed on a completely different level and with a completely different tone.

"...I don't like that name..." Tamaki blubbered scathingly.

Rolling his eyes, even though he knew the gesture was unseen, Kyouya groused back, "Is this about those boys in your old school? The ones that tortured you and stole your chocolate milk?"

There was a sniffled of indignant displeasure. "No. No, those genetic freaks of nature traumatized boy myself and half the population of the school, but I would _die_ before I let them have my chocolate milk! ...They _did_ steal my pocky a couple times, though..."

Kyouya's car had just pulled into the parking garage of Ootori Zaibatsu's main office, and was now meandering down into the lower levels, toward the personalized parking spaces; the work day was well on its way to beginning.

"Listen, Tamaki," Kyouya began in his this-conversation-bores-me-is-of-no-importance-to-me-and-will-probably-not-even-stick-in-my-memory voice. "As enraptured as I am by your childhood exploits in your home country, I don't have time for mindless banter about the twins who tormented you in elementary and middle school at the moment; I have to work." Another audible whimper. "Call Haruhi if you're bored, and I can talk to you later this evening."

A long, exaggerated sigh. "Alright. Go do good things at work, Mommy."

Personally, Kyouya hated that nickname, but had long since learned that Tamaki would never call him anything else, and had trained himself to ignore it. "I'll see you when you return from France."

"Adieu, mon ami!"

"Good_bye_, Tamaki."

They disconnected.

* * *

Someone was shaking his heavy, dead-weighted body. It was soft, feminine, and not enough to completely wake him from his stupor, but persistent enough to annoy him. Moaning and rolling onto his stomach in an attempt to ward off the offending action, Kaoru felt whoever it was attempting to wake him slide off the bed, and the hands leave his shoulders. Success - he sighed in relief.

But suddenly, viciously, a pillow to the head replaced the shaking and reflexes kicked in. Kaoru sat bolt upright, almost upsetting Ootori Fuyumi, who reeled back for another blow, singing something like, "Wake up, Ginger-Sister."

"I'm up! I'm up!! You didn't have to hit me!!" he snapped, reaching up a hand to smooth down his severely rumpled hair (plus extensions) and glowering at the brunette woman he'd met only twice before and who was already treating him like a doll or puppy.

Fuyumi shrugged, looking indifferent and smoothing out the wrinkles in the pillow case as she replaced it. "You sleep like the dead, Kaoru-chan. I was simply trying to tell you that you missed breakfast. Whatever you must have done last night must have really tried you out," she cooed with a wry smile, looking the red head up and down in such a way that made him feel the need to wash in boiling water in order to cleanse himself. "Tsk, tsk. Didn't even get out of your wedding dress, I see..."

"It's not like that!!" Kaoru protested, feeling his face flash the most indignant shade of red.

The woman was waving her hand, dismissively though, and his protests fell on deaf ears. "No need to be shy about it, Kaoru-chan. A marriage's wedding night is nothing new - especially to anyone in this residence. Save Haruhi, perhaps..." Fuyumi somehow managed to make crawling off the bed a graceful action, even under months of pregnancy weight and pounds of foul attitude.

Cautiously, Kaoru stood too, soothing down the front of his elaborate dress (that now, come to think of it, was too insanely heavy and beaded that it was a wonder he had managed to have a full night's sleep in it) and onto the cool carpet of his new bedroom. Someone had gathered his mess of scattered items and placed them neatly on the smooth table-top of a dresser (judging by the, erm, inherent lack of anything remotely resembling a magazine, Kaoru figured Kyouya must have disposed of it - thankfully); casually, he started for the pile and selected the androgynous change of cloths that had been folded and neatly placed under his sketch book.

"Oh...dear..." Kaoru head Fuyumi 'tsk' again, and found the sound utterly annoying. He turned to her, upper lip raised in a half-sneer to see that she was shaking her head. "You're not going to wear _that_, are you? I thought you were the daughter of a fashion designer."

"What's wrong with it!?!"

She continued to shake her head, murmuring more to herself than to him, "Oh, and I had hoped that Haruhi-chan would be the only one we ever met...What happened to that pretty dress you wore to the shower, Kaoru-chan? Do you have anything more like that and less like..._that_?"

Kaoru blushed again as Fuyumi degraded his choice of clothing. "They're being sent here today...All of them..."

Fuyumi was observing his body again. "We look about the same size - or rather, if I weren't pregnant. My old dresses may fit you - come with me, Kaoru-chan."

"What? Fuyumi-san, I can't -" the red head protested as his new sister-in-law grabbed him by the upper arm and, with far too much strength for a pregnant woman and too much enthusiasm for an adult, dragged him from the loft.

"Yes you can - the only thing you can't do is attend lunch looking like some sort of...tehe, commoner."

* * *

Lunch had been a splendid affair - rich, supple and exotic - but intensely silent on Kaoru's part. Haruhi (who seemed to be staying with the Ootori's until her husband returned from France), Fuyumi, Matsuki and Yuki all sat close together on the opposite side of the table from him, huddling heads as if conspiring to some innocent person's doom. They talked about things that Kaoru didn't understand; lawyers, pregnancies, their husbands - who Kaoru more of didn't _know_ rather than didn't _understand_ - and he didn't even think he _**wanted**_ to know what it meant to be fully dilated.

After they had eaten, Fuyumi and Matsuki left - dragging Haruhi with them - to go 'commoner shopping' for the nursery, and Yuki had left for her ten-week check-up, leaving Kaoru utterly and completely alone. From what he understood, the Ootori men all but lived at their offices, and often did not return until late at night, if at all. And this, if understanding served, left the newest addition to the Ootori clan completely alone in the grand estate that, for all visual purposes, reminded him of a twenty-four-hour fitness center.

Three minutes on his own and Kaoru was already bored (a dangerous state of mind for any Hitachiin) and took to one of his and Hikaru's favorite childhood pastimes. No, no, not causing massive amounts of chaos, but rather, playing 'ninja', or exploring.

And thus Kaoru began to meander through the hallways that somehow managed to be light and dark at the same time, shuffling his feet in the carpet and actually pretending to be interested in the elaborate, scenic portraits on the wall, or bowls of perfect-looking fruit. He liked them all, generally, but in the amount of time it took for him to actually recognize the picture for what it was, he was bored of it; and as Hitachiin tradition dictated, if something was boring, get rid of it. So he walked away.

The maids quarters were painfully bland and personal - far too many pictures of little children that the cleaning staff only saw over the weekend - to be entertaining, and while the idea of turning the kitchen into a flambé was highly appealing, it seemed uncouth. That left the other family member's rooms - an interesting field of information and secrets that Kaoru was ready to exploit joyously for the sake of alleviating his boredom.

Only...the rooms were locked. All of them.

Sighing and slumping down into a defeated crouch by Yuki and Rei's private quarters, Kaoru pulled out his personalized cell phone with a flourish and set about composing a lengthy text message that managed to cure his boredom, if only for a moment.

To: Hikaru H.

You would not believe how unbelievingly dull it is at this place. It's like a doctor's waiting room - everyone's fertile and just sitting around - but the doctor never calls us in! Arg! And I can't even properly snoop; all the doors here are locked and the whole estate is so spotless that not even a spec of dust is left to amuse me!! Talk to me? Come over? Please, nii-san?

From: Kaoru H.

He reclined, head making an insultingly hollow _'thunk'_ against the wall. Various ideas swarmed through Kaoru's head, entertaining him with the possibilities of the contents of his twin's reply; maybe Hikaru would just bust in valiantly at any moment and rescue him from the unending spiral of destitute ennui. He turned the phone over and over in his hands and was just at the point of starting to hum (had it really only been...okay, five minutes, but still) when it buzzed dramatically, the screen alighting to display 'New Message: Hikaru H.' in blocky lettering. Eagerly, the younger of the Hitachiins flipped open the screen to find a rather...disappointingly short reply.

To: Kaoru H.

Can't talk now. Mum took me to a business meeting. Call later.

From: Hikaru H.

He wilted - almost visibly - as he closed the phone and pocketed it. So he truly _was_ all alone. For some reason, now that that fact was confirmed by someone who wasn't even really there, it hurt a lot more and Kaoru found himself looking down at the floor. He pulled at a corner of the short-sleeved green dress Fuyumi had loaned him and dabbed surreptitiously around dry eyes - lashes laden down with copious amounts of mascara.

Someone shuffled somewhere close to him, and the sudden overwhelming sense of humiliation of being watched in his moment of despair. Quickly, Kaoru scrambled up, and although unable to pretend that he was doing something _other_ than mopping about, the boy had spent enough time around the help in France that he knew how to pretend that he'd done nothing wrong.

The maid - a pretty little bint - bowed demeanorly and addressed him, "Ootori-sama, is there anything that I could do for you?"

Wincing only a tad at the way she said his 'name', Kaoru only shrugged. "What do people do for fun around here?"

"I...Uh...What do you mean by fun, Ootori-sama?" the girl seemed confused and it showed on her face. "Well...Most of the other women of the house go out shopping for clothing or baby toys."

Before he could stop himself (belittling maids usually led to dirty bedsheets in a totally non-sexual way) Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Well, I don't need either do, I, so is there...a games room or a mysterious attic to explore."

She looked like a fish, mouth open and gaping with the inability to properly form words. It was unlikely that he was going to get any information trivial to his pursuit of fun from her. Sighing heavily, the red head turned his back on her and made toward the opposite side of the hallway. _Maybe there just wasn't anything to do here anyway..._

"Uh, wait, Ootori-sama!!" the young girl suddenly called after him, and raising an eyebrow, Kaoru turned back to her.

"Yes?"

"Uh, well, there is the young masters' private library - it's where all the young Ootori men spend most of their time when at home, so I - uh...that might be fun." She looked away abashedly, but Kaoru's grin widened.

"See? Fun~" he semi-taunted. "What's your name, anyway?"

She looked up. "Uh...Yuuri. Tsutakawa Yuuri."

"Well, thank's Yuuri," he said, smiling before hoisting the hem of the dress far enough off the ground for him to be able to jog toward the direction that Yuuri had indicated.

After only a couple seconds, Kaoru fell upon an unlocked door - this one even opened ajar to reveal shelf after shelf of large books with dull-colored bindings and multi-colored titles. A few were dusty, but all in mint condition; it wasn't as if they had been kept and cherished this way, rather that they had never really been read (or read and then replaced wither newer copies). Upon closer inspection, Kaoru was able to discern between the genres: biography, classic, informative, Almanac, encyclopedia, school text books, medical journals...boring, boring, boring.

What had that woman been thinking?! Was everyone in this household colorblind to the proper definition of fun and adverse to getting down on their knees and a little down-'n-dirty when playing hide-'n-seek or tag? That itself did not bother him as much as the apparent contagious nature of this humorless-ness.

Sighing, Kaoru began poking around the desks, all located in various secluded corners of the library and close to bookshelves that seemed to be personalized with the occupant's key subjects of interest or learning. Rei and Akito with financial and medical journals, Yoshio with a mix of everything, and Kyouya...more than just everything. Everything and more. Including...

"Diaries?!" Kaoru demanded aloud, scoffing as he pulled one of the many ledgers out of the confines of the shelf. Holding the spine in the palm of his hand, the red head allowed the bound covers to fall open before lazily flicking through the pages. Neat, flowing handwriting covered each printed line from margin to red margin in small, perfectly measured and equal script that would easily put a type-writer to shame. Dates were carefully set apart from other paragraphs and underlined, with important side notes standing apart from the general flow of writing and marked with thin parenthesis.

-

_**July 22nd**_

_The Suzushima trading company sunk three of their international ships in an off-shore storm. They should consider shipping merchandise through air, not primarily on water - it would be a useless move for our company to suggest this, though. Pilots are less numerous than crews men, and more expensive to insure and employ, but they, at least, cannot abandon ship and merchandise at the first sign of a problem. _

_The degrading billboards advertising degrading cosmetics should focus more on the sexuality aspect rather than old women, perhaps showcasing younger, more youthful females in place of those far beyond the age where wrinkle cream and rejuvenating lotions will help. _

-

Easily moving into the high-backed plush arm chair behind the desk, Kaoru kicked off his shoes and drew his feet up under him. Vaguely, he couldn't help but think about how cruel Kyouya seemed on paper, especially critical of this rival Suzushima company. It was a bit...disconcerting, but it almost showed how...dedicated the brunette was?

-

_**July 30th**_

_Tamaki's left for France to deal with business affairs. I believe this is a goad from his grandmother, and I continually wonder if he's being followed to see if he dares to seek out his mother or attempt to reconnect with his past. If he proves stupid enough to do so - and get caught - I'm not sure he realizes that I will have no choice but to sever all ties with him... And yet he still leaves the recently impregnated Haruhi at my estate to 'look over'._

_Idiot..._

-

Kaoru felt his eyelids begin to droop and couldn't suppress a yawn as he turned a page.

-

_**August 2nd**_

_My father has decided to buy out flamingly brilliant, yet newly developed, companies, just for the sake of portraying a more upbeat image to the public and a more powerful, domineering one to our rivals. Shizasakura Herbs to appeal to those who prefer more natural remedies and medicines; Aou Chou's secret line of security systems (which he refused to sell us through normal means), and other various companies - even Hitachiin Yuzuha's fashion company, and Yoshida Daichi's Plastic Surgery clinic. Perhaps to project an ideal of our hospitals carrying only the most therapeutic, color-coordinated gowns, although personally I think jasmine, alarms and complimenting pastels are a waste of money._

-

Maybe it was because the book was boring - _boring like Kyouya_, Kaoru thought in distaste - or because Fuyumi had woken him after a restless night of tossing and turning, but the chair that the red head had settled in was suddenly feeling very comforting and warm, and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

-

_**August 7th**_

_I've returned from the successful business trip throughout the America's that Tamaki and I started out on together before he left for Paris. Tomorrow, supposedly, I meet the bride that I was betrothed to while away - which I have yet to decide if I'm happy about or mad. I suppose, the only think I can reasonably hope about this girl is..._

-

Kaoru did not find out what his husband hoped about 'that girl'. Eyelids slide closed - intending only to blink - and remained closed. He didn't even flinch when the ledger slipped from his fingers and landed on the floor with a soft '_fump_'.

* * *

Fuyumi was waiting outside of Kyouya's (and now Kaoru's) room when he returned from work. She was doing a decent job pretending to observe their mother's portrait, but her brother was not the kind to be easily fooled, let alone by someone he'd known for his entire life. Walking down the hallway toward her, Kyouya asked, "What is it, onee-san?" before the woman could either turn around or speak. She did, however, smile broadly.

"Your new wife."

"What about her?" A dainty eyebrow arched.

Fuyumi chuckled lightly. "She's nosey. In the library. With your...eheh...ledger."

While his stomach did not drop, Kyouya felt his gut contracting a slight bit. He did not like his other people touching his stuff, especially not his notebooks. It had, in fact, been his original intention to lock all his notes in a file cabinet, but after his Father's subtle hint that they would look more professional and complete on a blank shelf in the study, the youngest son had relented and handed his collection over.

While not personal, per say, these notebooks held information that he did not want people to see.

"She's reading them?" he questioned, resting his brief case next to the door jam (he'd have to deal with this before he could really relax).

Here, Fuyumi gave up the chuckle for a blatant cackle. "Must have been at one point - Kaoru-chan fell asleep."

Conflicted, Kyouya did not know if he was supposed to be bemused or annoyed at the insinuation that his notebooks were boring enough to make someone fall asleep. He took good notes - very good notes - and excellent summaries. "She fell...asleep?"

"Mhm...Perhaps you should go in and wake her - be nice, though; I'm sure throughout all your 'conversation' you neglected to ask her what her blood type, and although there have been many a times where I wish you had to deal with your cranky morning-self, I think Father and our brothers would be displeased if the study was destroyed..."

The young man rolled his eyes at his sisters long, drawn-out (but truthful) rant. "Type B."

"Clever, but be nice anyway..."

* * *

Someone was shaking his shoulder - again.

"Ah....m-not sleeping!" Kaoru pressed, eyes jerking open wide as he sat up a little straighter. Of course, this only resulted in his nose and Haruhi's forehead colliding painfully and both of them reeling back with hands clutched to their faces. "Ow!"

"S-sorry!" the chocolate eyed woman spluttered for a second before regaining her composure and giving the other a small smile. "Kyouya told me to wake you. Said you were reading his journals in here and fell...asleep."

Amber eyes immediately narrowed at the mention of the youngest Ootori's name. "His _diaries_, you mean?"

Haruhi shrugged. "I don't know. Fuyumi-san calls them ledgers, but I'm pretty sure not even she has read them...No one's really allowed to...Kyouya usually gets mad when we do."

Kaoru sweat dropped, glancing at the splayed book on the ground between his legs. He suppressed a slight shudder. First day married and I manage to do something to piss off my 'husband' AND I get caught... A little shakily, the red head stood and bent to pick up the book before replacing it on the shelf. His face felt hot. "Uh...Is he mad?"

There was silence for a second before Haruhi responded. She...wasn't quite sure what to say. That Tamaki and Kyouya had had their first and only real fight about reading those ledgers: That Kyouya had once destroyed an entire company by writing in that notebook before ripping out the pages and passing them to the proper recipients at a business meeting? That his notebooks reminded her of the Death Note (an animated series that Renge had forced her to watch back in high school, only Kyouya already knew everyone's last name) so much that she had had nightmares about it? Or that she had found Kyouya in the library, watching kaoru sleep and looking...well, she didn't know what he was looking, but it wasn't angry per say.

Conflicted, Haruhi opened her mouth, and it almost seemed as though Tamaki-esque words flourished from her throat. "Not angry, but maybe going mad."

"Is that supposed to be a jive off the Alice In Wonderland Mad Hatter?" Kaoru snapped in a tone that clearly said 'I think he's more if a painting-the-roses-red Shadow Queen'.

In turn, Haruhi chuckled. "I guess...But you should probably ask him if he's mad or not."

"Hell no."

* * *

_:__D Eh? Eheh? Enjoy it? Well, drop reviews either way, alright lovelies? They'll make me feel accomplished._

_So, how do you guys feel about perhaps a filler chapters in the future? I dunno...Maybe about Haruhi and Tamaki - because there IS going to be something interesting about them in the near future - or maybe about Hikaru, Kaoru and Tamaki's pasts in France~? 'Cause I don't know if everyone picked up on it, but they all went to school together - which is going to make things VERY interesting~! ^^_

_**Anyway, chapter preview:** Fuyumi plays tea-party with her new favorite toys, Kaoru is a fiery red head, and it seems that ALL women think the Ootori men are nothing more than selfish faggots. And, of course, any good wife won't stand for that..._

_And...-coughcough- Thank you to the anon who pointed out I called Fuyumi a boy, or rather, 'big brother'...It's not that she's got man bits, but more of she's a manly woman~ xDDDD_


	8. Chapter 8: Romantic Tea Parties of DOOM!

_Tadah! An update! This was supposed to be up yesterday, in 'yay's for Kyouya's b-day! But, it wasn't finished by then so now you get it today~! So, enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Seven:**

Romantic Tea Parties of DOOM!

* * *

It seemed they were....avoiding each other. For a week after Haruhi had woken Kaoru in the library, the red head had dutifully steered clear of his husband (and Fuyumi for good measure) during all day lit hours. Subconsciously, he supposed he feared confrontation with Ootori Kyouya, and was seeking a passive aggressive way to avoid any such confrontation. Still, it seemed to be working so far. Every night, when Kaoru returned to their shared bed chamber (usually at a rather late hours, fault of finding some obscure corner to duck out of sight in after dinner and then getting lost when trying to find his way back), Kyouya was already in bed, with the lights turned off and back toward him, and when the Hitachiin woke up the next morning, the other man was always gone.

Faintly, Kaoru wondered if this was what a dysfunctional family was like; if this was how his parents acted before his father moved to France; if how a marriage doomed to fail started out. It seemed likely, and his subconscious seemed to approve of these notions if all the silly dreams (where he was dressed in his wedding dress again and crying hysterically "I want a divorce!") were any indication.

On the morning of the seventh day of the marriage, the boy-bride jerked awake from another of "those silly little dreams", this one less about the union itself and more about the dreaded repeats of the wedding night. His night cloths were slightly damp with cold sweat and his senses were so heightened and disarray that it took him a moment to realize that the space in the bed next to him was, indeed, empty.

The electric green numbers on the alarm-clock indicated it was eight-twenty-seven, and the day-by-day calendar next to it (which no one seemed to touch, but always seemed to change) foretold that it was Saturday. He groaned, wiping a hand over his face and rolled out of bed to get dressed (in one of the five-hundred-and-sixty-two dresses, skirts, blouses and dress suits that had arrived in the mansion six days ago).

His skirt fluttered around his thighs, blouse bouncing over fake breasts and heels making rhythmic clacking sounds on the stairs as he descended the loft stairs...until Kaoru stopped rather abruptly.

"O-oh..." he squawked, announcing his presence to the man who lounged on the couch and looked up to hold Kaoru's gaze.

"Good morning," Kyouya greeted smoothly inclining his head curtly over the file he had in his hands.

"Good morning," Kaoru responded automatically, rushing down the rest of the stairs and past the couch, intent on putting as much distance between himself and the young Ootori as possible, as soon as possible. At the same time, he did not care if he was appearing rather rude and flustered to the other man, nor if it was common knowledge that he purposefully spent as little time as possible with his husband.

The red head had just reached the door that lead to the hallway when it was pushed open from the outside, nearly hitting him on the nose, and in came Fuyumi, flanked by Yuki and Matsuki. Fuyumi smiled, wrapping her arm around a still-trying-to-escape Kaoru and, none too gently, spun him around to redirect his path. The pregnant woman had a good two inches on him, and was quite scary.

"Kaoru-chan!" she gushed sweetly. "Are you doing anything important today?"

"Umm, well, no...Not re -"

"Great!" Fuyumi exclaimed, and by now Kyouya had put his paper work down and was eyeing them interestedly from his seat. "Let's have a tea party - all of us. Kyouya-kun, you remember when the two of us used to have tea parties as children?"

"_I _was a child, Fuyumi," the man said with a slightly raised eyebrow. "_You_ were an adult."

She laughed, pulling Kaoru toward the two couches as the other two Ootori brides followed. "One is never too old for tea parties."

Hot in the face, Kaoru sat stiffly between his eldest sister in law and the sofa armrest, knees pressed tightly together and eyes furtively cast away. Sure, he'd attended his fair share of tea parties as a child (little girls in France had loved sipping water and chewing cookies in vague imitations of how their parents did) but he had also outgrown them - before he even started picking out his own cloths every day. And it also seemed that Fuyumi had ulterior motives for spending time with the two of them. Kyouya seemed to sense it too.

As a maid quietly slipped in through the open door and deposited a silver tray laden with fine china tea set (cookies included), the handsome brunette relaxed against the back of the settee, gazing at the four women across from him quizzically. "What is it that you wanted to discuss, Fuyumi?" he asked in a no-nonsense sort of tone.

Fuyumi tittered, bemused as her little brother took on the working-man demeanor with _her_ of all people. "Well, I _was_ going to seduce the two of you into casual conversation first, but I wanted to know if you had decided where you were going to honeymoon?"

That caught Kaoru's attention and for the first time in a while, his gaze flicked to Kyouya's. "Uh...no, we hadn't."

"No?" Fuyumi echoed bemusedly. "What about France? Kaoru-chan, you could show Kyouya-kun where you grew up and everything."

More like where his favorite place to throw frogs at girls was, or where he had fallen through the thin layer of ice into the pond out back of the family estate when he was Hikaru had been playing 'Werewolves!' "Uh...I don't think so..."

"What about the Americas?" Yuki offered.

"Or Germany?" Matsuki contributed, smiling. "It's nice this time of year, right?"

It was truly amazing how fast the women could fire the names of countries back and forth (romantic side notes included); in fact, it was much like tennis, although to the two who were actually supposed to take the trip, each destination seemed less appealing than the last, and they systematically shot down each opinion whenever asked for input of their own. Soon, the women stopped asking them all together and settled for rallying location names between themselves. Accordingly, Kyouya and Kaoru zoned out.

"The Philippines?"

"Scandinavia?"

"Iceland."

"Mexico!"

"Peru?"

"Russia?"

"A_ustralia."_

_Blah, blah, blah..._

Time seemed to slow, the second dripped past with the consistency of honey. Impatient fingers thrummed, and the tea was sipped through tightly closed lips. And finally, when Fuyumi suggested 'Bulgaria!' with a tone that seemed so convicted that the conversation seemed to be coming to a close, a thought sped out of Kaoru's head and he immediately spoke.

"I've never been to a Japanese beach before," he said, distracting the rambling brunettes. All eyes flicked toward him, and he flushed, suddenly feeling defensive. "Well, I haven't!!"

"Really?" Kyouya asked, eyebrows raised in interest. For some reason, that made Kaoru's face redden even more.

"Why does that surprise you?" he snapped.

Fuyumi tittered. "Not really, Kaoru-chan. You just remind us of Haruhi a bit, I suppose. Alright, the beach it is." And she stood with a little difficulty and pattered her new sister-in-law's shoulder, a smile still playing around her mouth. "You're lucky we have a private family beach - you can make up for lost time."

And as the Fuyumi, flanked by Yuki and Matsuki once again, made their way toward the door, Kaoru found himself unsure if she was talking about his childhood and Japanese culture exposure or...wedding night...

_Eeeewwwwww!_

" - Oh, and Kyouya, we have the Suzushima dinner this evening. Father left for America, so you're to go instead."

Kyouya nodded as his sisters left before he stood, himself. Kaoru hesitated, still sitting upright with his tea cup in hand; he wondered if he, too, would have to attend this Suzushima party... He had often seen the finely dressed wives (girlfriends and daughters never seemed to be allowed) on the arms of their husbands whenever his father held fancy dinners in France, looking pale-faced and perfect if not a little unhappy, and ... he wasn't all that eager to try that. "Uh..." he started hesitantly, looking up at the brunette in an almost self conscious, questioning way.

"Yes," Kyouya answered, easily reading the red heads (mind) face. "My mother always attended all of the unveiling parties with my father, as Yuki, Matsuki and Fuyumi often do as well."

"And Haruhi?" Kaoru questioned.

Kyouya hesitated before replying. "...No. Haruhi's a special case."

"What kind of special case?" he asked again, curiosity piqued at the slightly conflicted look that crossed the other figure's face.

"It would be easier to say that her in-laws do not approve of her," the Ootori explained. "Sometimes, if Tamaki is out of the country, like now, she might attend with his father, but the family currently don't want to broadcast her pregnancy."

Ginger eyebrows knit. "Why not? It's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Only to the parties involved."

Several seconds of silence reigned, one man attempting to process the information received and the other gauging his reaction.

"Uh...Alright," Kaoru finished off rather lamely, mind blanking on any other questions he could ask without prying, perhaps too deeply. (He had never been one for boundaries on anything personal before, per say, but he held a new sort of respect for Haruhi and didn't want to seem too nosey for some reason.) "Okay, then. What should I wear?"

"Whatever you want," Kyouya waved off, edging out of the confined bit of space between coffee table and couch.

Kaoru nodded, feeling his mouth go dry and head pound at the prospect of sifting through his dresses and high heels to find a matching set. His mind reeled. "Uh...uh, what kind of party is it, anyway?"

The brunette shrugged. "The Suzushima Trading Company are unveiling a new type of tea cup."

"Oh..." the red head looked down at his own, half drunken, luke-warm cup of honey-colored liquid...

And suddenly discovered a newfound distaste for teas.

* * *

The unveiling party of the new tea cup form Spain took place at the Suzushima mansion, in the large dining hall and spilling out into the expansive back yard that was lit from various paper lanterns hung from strings. Women in party dresses and men in fancy suits chatted amicably, occasionally dipping out of the hot mass of bodies that were gathered in the hall for a glass of pale white wine or one of the many finger foods. Pleasant chatter filtered through the people's ears and mouths, giving the whole room a surprisingly lax atmosphere that seemed to ignore the evil, rude and downright snarky undertones in the speech and the mean glances thrown out of the corners of people's eyes.

It was scary, and although he was loath to admit it, Kaoru all but clung to Kyouya's arm, even almost following him into the mens room before the snickering around them alerted him to exactly what he was doing and re-routed. Fuyumi was there, but she was not the bubbly ball of energy that had suggested the 'honeymoon' only two hours earlier, and she walked listlessly next to her husband, occasionally smiling or saying something to agree with whatever Shinichi had said.

All four of them - Fuyumi, Shinichi, Kyouya and Kaoru - had been at the party for nearly two hours, and at this point, the formalities of walking around with ones spouse was beginning to wear thin; the women breaking off subtly to join larger groups of their own sex. Various giggles now joined the chatter, and the whole room seemed to lighten in mood considerably. And yet (even if ever diligent housewife Fuyumi had wandered off) Kaoru did not budge.

Walking close behind the slightly taller man, the red head kept his head low and eyes averted. He didn't specifically pay attention to where he was going, and eventually walked smack-dab into the plan between Kyouya's shoulders when the Ootori finally stopped walking and turned to his wife.

A minor look of irritation was gracing his features, but not so much that it would be noticeable to anyone passing by the two. "You don't need to keep following me," he informed curtly.

Kaoru blanched. "Well, what am I supposed to do? I don't like any of these people," he complained.

"There's no harm in introducing yourself to people you don't like. They might like you, either way," the brunette countered. "And do you really expect that everyone here 'likes' one another? And yet they are perfectly happy to associate with each other for the sake of business."

"Talking to people you don't like is just as pointless as bathing in mud," Kaoru spat.

Kyouya gestured to the closest females, a group of five. "Go introduce yourself. It'll be too hard to navigate and negotiate deals while you're stepping on my heels."

Choosing to take the higher road and not argue this time, the Hitachiin favored the other man with a glower before turning away from him (light blue, knee-length dress swishing around his legs) and all but marched toward the women. Although it was usually a little bit of an odd feeling he got while approaching total strangers, all the funny butterflies seemed to be void for all the others in attendance, and a perfectly acceptable way to greet people was just walk up and say something.

"Hi," he said jovially, smiling sweetly at the women when they turned to look at him.

For a split second, the women gave him a sour, cold, mean stare; perfectly reflected on all five faces. But then...they smiled.

"Hello~" one sang, her short hair bobbing around her ears.

"Hi," another greeted, her hair a darkish brown colored and curled in tight ringlets. "Who are you?"

"Oh!" stated a third. "I know! You're the girl who just married an Ootori, right?"

For a moment, Kaoru considered denying that fact, but then he ruefully nodded. The smiles, pleasant and sweet, melted into evil, snide smirks as they exchanged glances and giggled behind their perfectly manicured fingers.

"Oh, dear~" the third and first women tittered together.

"Oh, we're _soooo _sorry for you," a fourth snickered.

Kaoru was perplexed, and knitted his eyebrows together. "Uh...what?"

"Didn't you know?"

"Your husband's, like -"

"- a faggot." And they were all giggling again. Kaoru found a mark of irritation appearing on his temple at their voices.

"_What_ did you just say?" he hissed, although the group seemed to miss the note of mild anger in his voice.

"Oh, yes!" they professed. "He and the heir to some fortunate providence over seas had some 'torrid love affair' that ended traumatically when the poor sap's father found out and disowned him - ruined that entire company."

"Really, now?" So this was how gossip started and spread. "I heard he was caught fooling around with another boy at some organized event two years ago."

"I heard he and Suoh were involved in high school..."

"No way!"

"Yes way! Isn't that simply delicious?!"

"I know!!"

This was...well, utterly disgusting. The smiles, the glee with which the five women who Kaoru hadn't even bothered to ask for introductions from downright_ teased _Ootori Kyouya behind his back and in front of his wife, and the very insinuations that were being made against Kyouya, that poor overseas boy, and Suoh were generally just pissing Kaoru off more and more the longer he listened for. Brightly painted lips pursed as he bit the inside of his cheek and narrowed finely plucked eyebrows into a 'v' shape. Not that the nameless women seemed to notice.

"He's not gay," Kaoru stressed intensely, defending Kyouya's honor for no particular reason other than it was making him mad.

"Oh, darlin~" the fifth woman simpered. "Yes, he is!"

"You poor dear"

"I bet you two haven't even had sex yet."

This made him falter before jumping to Kyouya's (and now his own) defense, and the women seemed to sense his hesitance.

"Yes...yes, we have!"

"Ohohohoho~" One laughed. "Look, she's blushing."

"It's alright, dear," another cooed. "You're not the only one - I've heard it's taken this long for his brothers' wives to get pregnant, even."

"It's a shame, though," the curly haired one mused aloud. "They're _all _awful good looking...Kyouya's the prettiest~"

Kaoru felt his face heat up as a steady blush began creeping over his face and dripping down his neck and shoulders. It wasn't necessarily at the insinuation that the Ootori men were all gay, but more of the fact that Kyouya was, indeed, pretty...Not that he noticed, of course!

"That's not true!" Kaoru objected angrily, stomping his foot a minuet bit to add emphasis. "He's not gay! And - and I can prove it!"

When favored with five sets of eyes that bordered between surprise, questioning and challenging, the red head set his jaw, narrowed heavily outlined eyes and spun on his high heeled foot. It only took a second for amber eyes to latch onto the (now) familiar head of black hair, and even less time for him to stride over to the man and his current congregation of business men, ignoring the excited, gossipy whispers stemming from behind him as more and more women realized something interesting (by their terms) was about to go down.

Heels made clicking sounds on the polished wood, and when the sounds eventually stopped, Kaoru found himself directly behind Kyouya. While the adrenaline of the pent-up anger that was running through his veins still elated him, there was no hesitation as he rose a hand and tapped on his husband's shoulder. The Ootori turned, surprise a minor characteristic feature on his expression and mouth slightly pursed as if his tongue had already set about formulating words. "Kaor-"

Before the question was fully formulated and out of his mouth, both of Kaoru's arms had encircled Kyouya's neck, pulling him downward a tad bit until their faces were only inches apart. It was a bit discomforting, truthfully; intensely sudden, and it seemed that now Kaoru had gotten past this initial point of physical contact, he was frozen.

If only for a moment...

"You know I love you, right, Kyouya?" he spoke in a voice very unlike his own and loud enough for...well...everyone in the suddenly silent room to hear. And then...

He honestly had no idea why. It wasn't the kind of thing he would normally do. No, definitely not. Not even when he was with his brother! And yet...he did...

* * *

Kyouya was of the objective opinion that whatever lip plumper Kaoru was wearing was cherry flavored.

* * *

Fuyumi dropped her punch glass in surprise and when Shinichi asked her if she was alright, she blamed it on the baby kicking unexpectedly (not the possible flashes of tongue she was seeing).

* * *

Matsumo Himawari, Shima Sakura, Isua Riiko, Kuze Kanaya, and Yorinozuka Yumi felt their jaws drop to the floor.

* * *

When the red head in drag finally pulled out of the kiss, it was to ruefully wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, and avoiding all the awe-filled stares and whispers and giggles, mumbled, "Uh...could we go...? Like, now...?"

* * *

The car ride home was uncomfortably silent. Kaoru sat to one of the seat, and Kyouya to the other, their faces blank and lax and identical headaches pounding in their temples. It was a little chilly; the air conditioner blasting at the red head's request. Tension, as thick as butter, strangled the air, and the seconds didn't seem to actually be progressing.

Building...Intolerably...Almost painfully...And then...

"Look, I'm really sorry!" Kaoru gushed profusely, whipping his head around so fast that his neck audibly cracked. " I - I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything. I - those, those bitchy ole' hags kept..they kept saying you were gay, and it...that - that was all I could think of! They didn't believe me otherwise!"

Slightly perplexed, Kyouya quietly listened to the entirety of Kaoru's speech, expression unmoving save for the tiny upward twitch of his mouth.

"Please don't be mad!!" the red head frantically cried, feeling close to hysterical at the lack of response he was getting. "I'm really, _really_ sorry, Kyou -"

"It's alright," Kyouya impressed, lightly cutting across (what he was sure would eventually turn into) a mini-Tamaki rant. "I'm not mad, or embarrassed."

Kaoru's hand had flower to his face, but he parted his fingers to peak out at the brunette carefully. "You're...you're not...?"

"No, I'm not," Kyouya assured bemusedly. "It was sudden, but..." he paused, seeming to mull things over. "But...thank you, I suppose..."

"You're...you're welcome," Kaoru responded, blushing under his foundation and lowering his hands into his lap.

The rest of the car ride was silent.

* * *

**From:** Suoh Tamaki

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Americas.

**To:** Ootori Kyouya

**CC:** _(none)_

**Body:**

'Kasan,

I'm coming home! :D

* * *

_Whoo! So? Like it? Ya'll got a little more KyouKao in there! I was very pleased at slipping that in - it wasn't something I planned, but then it just seemed to...work...Originally, Kao was just gonna bitch out the Terrible-Fivesome and be done with it, but...hell, who could object~? xD Anyway, I'd like to thank all my wonderful reviewers! You know, if all the people with alerts and faves on this story reviewed, I'd break the "100 reviews on one story" goal I set! 8D Even if I don't until the next chapter, just knowing that makes me so intensly happy!!! Anyway, here, **preview for next chapter!**_

_Negative Twelve. Rene. Twin boys. Think about it. ;D_

_REVIEW, LOVELIES~! _


	9. Chapter Negative Eight

_AHAH!! Finally!!! I just got early Christmas gifts (a Mokona backpack, a Mokona hat, a complete bathroom remodle - EVERYTHING IS PINK AND PURPLE NOW~! - and orange Gummy ear buds to go with my orange Kao!ipod!) so I felt in the spirit of giving, and I finally forced myself to stop RPing dirty transactions between Fai and Shigure, and type this up!!! So, here you go! And for those who don't get the negative, I'll explain it at the end~! ^^ Enjoy!! -hearts-_

* * *

**Chapter Negative Eight**

* * *

Negative Twelve

The playground was cold in early January, moist wood chips covered in a crunchy layer of frost, and warm breath curling in ringlets above children's mouths and noses as they played French variations of Red Light, Green Light or tag.

Rene Grantaine was not one of those children playing, however; he sat at one of the wooden picnic benches that sat close to the door that lead to the inside of the school, toying with an orange in his gloved hand. His mother was getting sick again, and while she would usually recover in a week or so, whenever she - his beautiful, beautiful mother - was confined to bedrest, looking sickly and pale and sleeping in fevered fits, he lost his appetite almost completely.

_Still_, Rene thought optimistically, this orange made a good toy, and maybe he'd play the piano for his mother when he got home and -

"Are you going to eat that?" a voiced asked, an just as Rene looked up, he saw two children dressed in identical windbreakers over their white uniform button-ups. Wet patches from the frost were evident on the knees of their black slacks as they climbed up, onto the table, crawled over the surface and sat with their feet swinging off the edge on either side of Rene's lunch box. Upon closer inspection (and once he'd gotten over the initial shock of the two's sudden appearance) he saw the two children were...twins.

"Eat...what?" he asked.

"That," the first boy repeated in French, pointing at his orange.

"Or that," the second boy asked in a slightly higher voice as he pointed to the red box of...of...his Pocky!!

"Ack!!" Rene exclaimed, scrabbling to snatch the box of Japanese delicacies as the two other kids reached for it. Hugging the chocolate biscuits to his chest, and he all but throw the orange in their direction, only to have the fruit bounce off the table and splatter on the ground as neither boy paid it any attention. "No! No, you can't!!" he spluttered. "My father brought these over especially from Japan!!"

Boy Number One shrugged. "So? It's just from Japan."

"We used to live there," Number Two put in. "Plus, we just want sooooooooome!"

"Just a bit!"

"A little~!"

"Please?!?" they chorused together, leaning in even closer.

Rene reeled backward, away from the two, flipped off of his bench and onto the cold, hard ground. It stung a bit, but the boy was unfazed save for the loss of his hat, revealing wavy blond hair that bounced around his ears. His face, otherwise pale, was flushed in the cheek and mouth, and his large blue/purple eyes sparkled.

"NO!" He objected. He remembered the day that his father had brought both him and his mother boxes upon boxes of overseas treats; and together, they had indulged, snacking on them mindlessly and enjoying each other's company. But by the time Suoh Yuzuru had left France, there had only been five boxes left. Anne-Sophia had all but thrust them upon her son, and Rene had eaten them sparingly ever since then. There would be no way he would willingly hand over his Pocky now! "You can't have it!!"

"Why not~?" whined Boy Number Two as he swung his short legs faster.

"We just want a little~!"

"NO!"

There was silence for a moment as the twins exchanged a look and then pouted.

"He doesn't want to share, Hikaru," Boy Number Two sniffled exaggeratedly. "He's so..._mean_!"

"There, there, Kaoru," Boy Number One soothed, patting his brother on the shoulder. "He's just a meanie."

The twins were obviously younger than Rene, and he felt guilty for making younger children cry. Picking himself off the ground, the nine year old opened his mouth to give them a lengthy explanation of exactly why he wouldn't share his Pocky - it was all the ay from back in Japan! - when both of the children darted toward him, stealthily jumping off the icy bench. And while on collided (rather painfully) with his hip, the other managed to wrench the box from his slightly frozen fingers. And then, before he could so much as recollect his breath, they were off running, racing for the doors as the bell to signal the end of lunch rang loudly.

Rene gapped after them for a moment before raising his fist and shouting "You vile...vile dopplegangers!"

What he got in return were two harmonious wet raspberries thrown over the twin's identical retreating shoulders.

Sniffling slightly - it was cold! - the blond child sluggishly picked up his hat and then returned to the picnic bench to collect his lunch._ At least_, he noted optimistically, _They didn't get my chocolate milk..._

* * *

Negative Eleven

Those twins continued to bother Rene at lunch; almost every time he was alone, one or both of them would pop out of nowhere and frighten him. At first, they just continually asked if he had anymore Pocky, but as these meetings became more and more frequent, they began to ask for other things: his apple, his sandwich, his juice, his chocolate milk...And any time they asked, Rene would quickly chug or devour whatever it was they had inquired about. Of course, then the twins would laugh at him when he began to feel sick and clutch at his stomach.

They must have learned his name from _somewhere_, because by the fourteenth encounter, the two red heads were calling him "Rene", pronouncing his French name - as they did the language in general - with a slightly Japanese edged accent.

Still, Rene never called them 'Kaoru and Hikaru', which was partially because he wasn't sure which was which, and also partially because thieves such as them did not deserve names.

and, even when he insisted they call him 'Tamaki', (eager as ever to be called that by someone of actual Japanese decent, which he deduced the twins to be) they had simply scoffed, complained they would never remember such a strange name, and stolen the wrapped creep he'd brought from home for breakfast.

* * *

Negative Ten

There was some stupid, idiotic game that circled around school the following year. Children (and sometimes even teachers) would take countless guesses at attempting to tell the two twins (Hitachiin, Rene had learned their last name was) apart. Although rarely anyone seemed to get it right; eventually, Rene began to wonder if the two said people were wrong, even when they were right, just to see if they would have the guts to stand up and say 'no, I know I'm right'. No one seemed to, however. Not even him.

It was raining, the transparent droplets of water clinging to large, family-sized umbrellas as parents ushered their young from under the covered court-side driveway overhang and into cozy family cars. Several children clumped together in groups, pulling their coats closer to their bodies and suppressing shivers as they smiled though gritted teeth. Rene was among these groups, but as Pierre, Giselle, Louse and Isabelle ran into the pouring onslaut that left Rene all alone, or alone until the time when one last car (black, long, sleek...not his) pulled up and two children burst through the school's front doors, jackets billowing behind them as they clutched the hoods in their hands, and book-bags flapping wildly at their sides.

Flashes of red hair were the easily recognizable signs of just who those two children were, but by the time they reached the car, their locks were darkened and damp. Rene found himself shivering and sniffling in sympathy as he buried his nose deeper into his fleece scarf.

The door to the expensive car was held open for them from the inside, and one of the Hitachiins easily clambered in. The other, however, paused after only throwing his pack in and spun on his heel to race back to where the older blond child stood.

"Hey," the red head panted, his breath curling into a stream the moment it left his mouth. "H - hey, Tono. Can you tell? Which is which, I mean?"

Rene bristled slightly at the mention of the Japanese nickname, but weather out of happiness or annoyance, he knew not. Still, it threw him off.

Slacken-jawed, a proper, nice response didn't even have a chance to filter through his mind or mouth. "No," was the monotonous reply. "I don't even know your names, really."

A brief look or hurt flashed across the boys face, but was quickly replaced by a smile. "I'm Kaoru. Here!" and with that, the boy shoved a brown paper back into the others hands and ran toward the car.

"I...uh...Thanks, Kaoru," Rene called after him, waving slightly with one hand. However, the child with the retreating back did not turn to wave or anything in return. However, the other red head poked his head out before his brother got in and demanded:

"Why are you thanking _me_?"

And, of course, it was only after the Hitachiin's car zoomed off that Rene realized that the bag he was holding was damp - not from the rain; it was warm and damp - and smelled of a mixture of sour milk and dog poop.

When he dropped it in disgust a few seconds later and the soggy paper splattered the bags contents all over his shoes, it proved to be just that, as well.

* * *

Negative Nine

Early summer of the next year was probably the worse time to deal with the Hitachiin twins. The obnoxious preteens never seemed to want to keep their clothing on during lunch, and would often run away from the teachers with their shirts tied around their heads like turbans, yelling about being ancient Japanese ninjas, or else pirates. The two of them also developed the _endearing_ game of putting ice cubes down their classmates shirts, as well as those of the teachers if they could manage.

And it seemed, on the insanely hot day where the teachers deemed a picnic to the nearest park (and pond) before school finally let out was, the two red headed children seemed to favor Rene as their target.

"Ah - hold still, Tono," the twin who was sitting on his stomach demanded, his brother grappling with the blonds flailing arms with one hand while the other held an ice cube between his fingertips.

"Where not going to - oaf!"

"Hurt you!"

"No! No! NOOOO! Molestation! Unwanted touching! Mommy! Teacher! Heeeeeelp!!"

"Don't be such a little cry baby!" The boys insisted in unison, huffing at the effort it was taking to partially restrain the older boy. "We're trying to help you cool off."

"Help is as dirty as sin when unwanted, you vile dopplegangers! Now - unhand me!" This did nothing but cause Hikaru and Kaoru to dissolve into a fit of giggles, still effectively pinning him to the ground.

"You see~?" One choked out, still giggling.

"This is why we call you 'tono'," the other added. "Because you talk like an ancient lord."

"If I were a lord, you two would be the court jesters, and I would have you outlawed!!! You hear me?!!?!? OUTLAWED! Never to set foot in the castle again! Ever!!" And now the two of them were practically howling with laughter.

Rene squirmed; it was too hot for bodily contact, and the struggling was just leading to grass stains on his previously impeccably white shirt. He sniffed a bit in remembrance for the whey article of clothing before again pushing at the "jesters". This time, they let him sit up.

"Why don't you two go play with children your own age?!" he demanded, still in 'lord' mode.

One Hitachiin shrugged, the other looked away - toward the children who were gathered around the stray dog that had come to sniff at the kids. In unison, once again, they answered, "They're not as fun as you," before standing up, linking hands, and skipping off to poke at a rock and god-only-knew what was underneath it.

Somehow, Rene wasn't surprised that when they all set back to school, the blazer he had first discarded was drenched in mucky pond water and smelled/looked like it had spent the better part of the day sitting under a large rock.

* * *

Negative Eight

Rene was slightly appalled to find that, aside from being witty and maniacal and tricksters and liars, the Hitachiin twins were actually pretty smart in their own graces, and when the different grades in the middle school devision of their school broke off into their individual reading groups, Hikaru and Kaoru were pulled from the sixth grade analysis of American Shakespearian plays, and were shoved into the seventh grade's dissection of Les Miserables. This irked Rene to no end for some time, but upon seeing how withdrawn and - dare he say it - almost scared the twins looked in the group of ten, he immediately felt an empathetic tendril of his heart go out to them.

"I find Fantine's last song to be really sad," voiced one girl.

"It was supposed to be sad, but I think little Cosette's story was sadder," implored another.

"It's all supposed to be sad," a boy quipped. "But there's no use crying about it."

"It's an allegory, right?" a new voice cut into the banter. One of - he still didn't know which - the twins was looking around the circle that the chairs had been pulled around to create. He had large, amber eyes, these ones unhidden by the fridge that the other boy seemed to be favoring instead of eye contacts. "About the revolution. Fantine had to die - she was the old France, and Cosette the new."

The other children stared - some looking dumbstruck and some glaring spitefully - but Rene clapped.

"That's right!!" he exclaimed vivaciously, grabbing for his own copy of the book in order to page through it for a line or paragraph or even chapter to support the allegory theory in a way that the others would understand. "It - it makes sense, because Fantire had to die in order for Cosette to be nurtured by Jean Cal Jean and meet Marius, right?"

"...Yeah," the other children began to gradually agree and concede, Rene beamed brightly. Or at least, he did until he felt two chairs simotaniously knocked into either side of his own.

Startled, the blond gasped and, glancing to either side; as he registered that the Hitachiin twins were on either side of him and opened his mouth to speak, they cut him off. "Tono~" two voices teased him in unison. "We would have never expected _you _to be so smart."

Instantly, Rene reddened. "W - what's that supposed to mean!?" he demanded, stuttering slightly.

"Well, we had to look online to figure that out," the boy to his left explained, his smirk mirrored perfectly on the boy to his right's face.

"So...you didn't figure it out on your own?" the blond asked, and somehow - he guessed from he exaggerated way they nodded and the way their smirk seemed to broadened - that no one else in the circle had heard that little confession. "You...you cheaters!!"

The loud explanation, coupled with the fact he'd all but jumped from his seat and into the middle of the circle. Now all eyes were on him as he dramatically pointed at the twins.

"Er...what?" Giselle queried, asking the question that seemed to be mirrored on everyone else's faces.

"Those two unscrupulous dopplegangers cheated," Rene repeated, turning to observe his audience's reaction. "They went to an outside source to figure out that this book was an allegory, even when I came up with t he notion all by myself. They cheated!" And with a triumphant huff, the blond finished his three-hundred-and-sixty degree turn to face the accused once again, only to find...

Pouts, hurt creases in the brow, a protective hold on both of their copies of Les Miserables and...were those tears in their eyes?

"That...that's so mean," one whined, the other accompanying him with a sniffle. "I think you're just jealous that we pointed it out first..."

There was a moment of silence, and then:

"Oh, Rene! That's so mean!!"

"Hikaru, Kaoru! Don't worry; we know you're smart!"

"Gosh...I never knew you were so heartless, Rene...I mean, they're just little kids."

"Here - tell us more about what you learned."

Honestly, the response wasn't surprising; the two red heads looked pretty pitiful, and played on it well. Rene, with the tad-bit overzealous air of accusation he had pointed at the younger kids with, didn't stand a chance.

"That's...no, really," he insisted weakly, voice trailing off into the continuous jabber of his classmates. "That..that's not what I..."

"Just sit _down_!" Ilsa pressed.

Ruefully, Rene did, again feeling his book group mates missed a not-so-subtle aspect of the Hitachiin twins as they all, once again, seemed to _not _see when HIkaru and Kaoru pulled at their eyes and stuck out their tongues in his direction.

* * *

_My god! Anyone else wanna stab the twins just a little bit...xDD Well, anyway, for those who didn't figure it out, the negatives are the years backwards I'm jumping! Like, the twins are nineteen in this fic, so at the 'negative twelve' bit, they're seven, and Tamaki is twelve and so on! ^^ I was being clever, so...REVIEW ON MY CLEVERNESS! And Merry Christmas to all!!! I LOVE YOU!!!_


	10. Chapter Nine: Not In The Mouth

_Oh, my. This certainly HAS taken me a while, hasn't it? I suppose I should explain that I went through a period of writer's block and the scene between Hikaru and Kaoru down there did NOT come out how I wanted it, too, so I rushed through it just in order to get to the end of it! xD But I'm okay with that, because now that I am over this lump, I'm on a roll! I've already written chapters ten and eleven (although they are a tad bit short - plotty-filled, though), so you can look forward to that!_

_Oh, oh! Also, I've completely filled the blue notebook where this story is written out long hand, with all my notes and doodles on the sides! I was amazingly proud of myself! x3 And then I started wondering if anyone would buy it~ Especially if signed! -shot- LOL! SO ENJOY THIS CHAPTER!_

* * *

**Chapter Nine:**

**Not In The Mouth**

**

* * *

  
**

"I want cake!" was the instant reply from the short man as he visibly bounced in the finely painted chair on the outside patio of an expensive restaurant. The waiter looked a tad bit hesitant, but when he glanced at the other two men at the table and they nodded, he took out a pen and scrawled the order onto a pad of paper.

"And, uh, what would you like, sirs?" he asked, addressing the two taller brunette.

"Onigri," the tallest of the two spoke succinctly in a deep baritone voice.

"Ootoro over rice, please," the bespectacled man said politely, collecting the green leather-bound menus and handing them over to the waiter who hurriedly scurried off.

"Ootoro?" the blond giggled lightly. "Kyou-chan, are Haru-chan's tastes rubbing off on you?"

"Not particularly, Hunny-senpai, no. We've been eating nothing but French style cuisine in my house in the honor of my new bride."

"Oh?" Hunny queried, cocking his head to the side questioningly. "Kao-chan doesn't like Japanese foods?"

"No, it's not even that, really. It's more of, none of the other women are supposed to eat many fish in their pregnancies, and Kaoru-chan has shown a minor physical aversion to most forms of sushi; she gets ill, so I prepositioned the kitchen for more French or western styles of food, and it seems they've taken that request to the extreme and completely removed anything local from our menu."

"Awww~!" Hunny sang sweetly, little pink flowers seeming to erupt around his head as he smiled. "That's still really nice of you, Kyou-chan!! Don't you think, Takashi?"

"Very considerate," Mori echoed in his deep voice.

"Yay~" Hunny all but screamed, attracting the slightly shocked attention of the people at the surrounding tables. Mitsukuni hadn't really changed much in disposition or manner since high school, which meant he hadn't really changed much since kindergarten, despite the fact he was now the head of his own string of international dojos. (Hunny's establishment of the Sakuranozuka dojo in a secluded naval base had helped broach the rift between Japan and the USA that had begun when the Haninozuka heir had started when a navy seal had woken him from a jet-lagged nap four or five years ago.)

Kyouya smiled faintly, nodding a fractional amount. "I don't think she took kindly to it, though. Even with the food poisoning, she always seems less excited when the cooks bring out French food...Or so Haruhi has told me."

"...Do you like Kao-chan, Kyou-chan~?" Hunny bubbled sweetly, his eyes fixed intently on the younger brunette.

The Ootori shrugged in response, pausing to formulate his answer as all of their orders dishes (rice balls for Mori, ootoro over rice for Kyouya and a large strawberry cake for Hunny) before lightly clamping his tuna with his chopsticks and contemplated it. "I like her...well enough, I suppose. Not in the way I am supposed to, though..."

The other two nodded. "She doesn't seem like the women that your brother's married," Hunny observed after taking a huge bite of his cake. "I mean, from what you tell us about her..."

"I already said I liked her," Kyouya said, sighing slightly.

"Just not romantically." Mori stated this. It was not a question.

Kyouya bristled almost, not irritable at his upperclassman _knowing_ what he was thinking and trying to communicate to them, but more the fact that he _couldn't_ properly communicate nor say exactly what the Morinozuka had so blatantly stated. Still, he didn't snap out his frustrations to his friends, instead putting down his chopsticks and cupping his face in his palm. "You could say that..."

"Hm..." Hunny hummed noncommittally before switching his tone in an attempt to seemingly change the topic (even if, i a way, he wasn't really doing so at all). "How is Neko-chan? Have you seen him recently...?"

Kyouya could sense the tip-toe nature of the short blond, but forced any irritable response out of his mind and took a calm, steadying breath. "Yes, I did. ANd he's fine, from what I could tell."

Together, they lapsed into a rather uncomfortable silence, taking it in turn to sip their drinks or take bites (Hunny was already done with his cake, Mori took stoic bites every so often, and Kyouya pushed his plate away after a while, no longer hungry). The rest of the outdoor patio restaurant was reasonably quiet, the sound of cutlery clinking against fine China and the occasioned 'thunk' of a water glass being gently rested on the table. Pleasant chatter seemed to hum in the background, intensifying the uncomfortable feel until, finally, it was unbearable for all parties, and through a forced conversation about work, travel and, eventually, the friendly atmosphere returned.

"Oh, Kyou-chan, Takashi, do you remember that one time? You know, when Tama-chan thought Haru-chan was a boy!?"

"Oh, yes," Kyouya conceded. "How could anyone forget. It took him a month - and walking in on her changing - for him to get it right."

"A month and a half, you mean," Mori said, a hint of laughter edging his deep voice.

'Yeah~" Hunny sang. "And she said 'honestly, I don't mind if you recognize me as a boy or a girl', and just walked off!"

"...I think that's when he fell in love with her..." Kyouya pondered aloud. "Even if he didn't realize it."

"Awwww~ That's so sweet!"

"Yes, and then he brought the marriage proposition to his grandmother and -"

"Why didn't you ever preposition your marriage from a high school 'romance', Kyou-chan?" Hunny pushed lightly, causing the hairs on his brunette underclassman's neck to bristle again.

"...I didn't think of it," Kyouya lied smoothly. "Plus, that action is only for those who find love easily - like Tamaki."

"Hmmm...Makes sense..."

"Plus, I had no intention of getting married directly out of high school, nor to have children. And although I'm sure Tamaki intended to be married before he -"

"Tama-chan's coming back~!!!" Hunny sang excitedly, cutting the Ootori off and glancing around as a couple people closest to them stopped talking and leaned a little closer after recognizing the Suoh heir's name. "I'm so excited!! ...And he's never met Kao-chan either, has he!?!?"

"Er...no..." was the forced calm reply, followed with a sigh.

"Kyou-chan, if you want, Takashi and I could give you marital advice," the small blond offered. "Just...later, if you still want it."

"Check please," Mori asked, avoiding the destruction of his cousin by the rather irritable (and understandably so) Ootori Kyouya.

* * *

In all honesty, both of the Hitachiin twins had never even seen _pictures_ of the Hitachiin-corp Fashion Designs business building before they had come to Japan. They'd never known of the bright white, curvy lettering that topped the otherwise dark-grey building; nor had they imaged the view from the wall-sized windows that overlooked a great deal of Tokyo. And they had never, ever even thought about going inside it. And now...

Every day since the wedding, the top office was where Hikaru resided from early in the morning to late in the evening, studying his mother (or more appropriately zoning out) while she negotiated business or sketched new patters or styles. It was boring most of the time, and lonely, and very, _very_ Kaoru-centric, especially with the looming Ootori Zaibatsu still seemingly "speculating" on weather or not to leave the Hitachiin business alone or demand to demand their support and financial aid. In fact, the 'threats' had become so numerous and annoying that, eventually, Hitachiin Yuzuha had just had enough and begun to plot. (And although she would never admit it, employing her older son's talents for scheming as well.)

And thus - at Hikaru's idea - the two ordered their driver to head over to the Ootori estate unannounced. They were sort of hoping that Kaoru would not question the motives behind why they finally requested him come to the head building of the company. And he didn't at first, seemingly just happy to take him out of the house, but by the time they reached the sky scraping building, the youngest Hitachiin (today in a pretty red and white patterned dress) was starting to get suspicious.

"Er...what did you guys need me to do here, again?" he asked, looking around the main office at the top-most floor - the office which took up the entire floor, and in the place of every wall, floor-to-ceiling windows took it's place.

Hikaru shrugged, flopping onto the long, white couch and Yuzuha paused for a second, twisting her hands and observing her youngest (daughter) son fondly. And then, "...Kaoru...we need your help..."

"...What can I do?" he asked, looking at his mother as Hikaru found a small ball and began to toss it up in the air before catching it.

"We.." Yuzuha started slowly, walking forward and taking Kaoru's hands in between her own. "We...need you, sweetie, to persuade Kyouya-kun to -"

"No."

"Sweetie!"

"There is no way in _hell_ I can persuade _him_ to do anything!! No way!!"

"Sweetie, just hear me out! All we need him to do is convince his father to stop taking advantage of our company!"

The boy/girl glowered. "I don't understand _how_ I am expected to do that!! Isn't this company profitable for Ootori Zaibatsu to have under their thumbs?!"

Silence reigned between the other and her 'daughter' before the son brought attention to himself by shrugging.

"Give him a blowjob."

"HIKARU!"

"No, wait...that just might work."

"MOM!"

After a quick, loud and verbally violent shouting match that ended in a huff, Kaoru folded his arms tightly across his chest, squishing his artificial breasts into a rounded top. "I am **NOT **putting that in my mouth!"

"There;s nothing wrong with it," Yuzuha insisted. "In fact, in the early years of our marriage, your father and I -"

"No! NO - we are not listening to this," Kaoru - having given up shouting - said in a forced calm voice, tottering over to Hikaru (who was still reclining on the couch) and tugging him up before all but dragging him toward the elevator in the middle of the room.

The last thing they heard before the doors to the elevator dinged, opened and closed was Yuzuha calling, "It works much better if you practice first!! Try on a banana -"

_Ding!_

"Motherfucker!"

"Calm down, Kao-ru!!" Hikaru stressed, sniggering over the chaos he had caused with a simple idea and the flushed, enraged face of his twin. In fact, he did not just snigger - he outright laughed.

"Shut up!!" the younger snapped, glowering at his brother for a second before asking, "What the hell is so funny!?"

"You - you're offended!" Hikaru gawfawed. "By - by blowjobs!"

"That's not funny!" Kaoru objected before turning a deaf ear on Hikaru for the remaining of the elevator ride. However, by the time the bell 'ding'ed again and the doors slid open on the lobby, the young man in the dress snorted, and none-too-gently punched his brother on the shoulder before exiting the elevator car.

"So," Hikaru asked. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

The other groaned. "Going 'home'...Come with me?"

"You miss me?" the elder teased.

"Yes..." Pure deadpan.

Hikaru dropped the joking pretenses. "Okay. Let's go, then."

Outside, sunlight - when compared to the stylishly dimmed insides of the Hitachiin building - made the two boys blink for a second, one bringing up a hand to shade his face and the other slipping down the pair of sun glasses that had been holding purchase on his permed hair and they scanned their surroundings for sign of their car. It wasn't far off, and pulled up directly in front of the two, allowing Kaoru to (gracefully) stumble into the back seat while Hikaru made slights against his 'lady-like-skills' before directing the driver to take them to the Ootori estate.

The entirety of the car ride was spent in an almost under-zealous rant on Kaoru's part as he relayed almost every aspect of his new, married life for the past two weeks. The food, the company, the honeymoon idea, the weird way people talked about the Ootori men ("It's like they have no respect for them, but at the same time, they're scared of them. Too scared to call them 'faggots' to their face. So they tell the wives!" and the over all awkward air between himself and none other than Ootori Kyouya.

Hikaru listened quietly - on of his few and far between 'older brother' moments - nodding, and sometimes slipping in overt little jokes, just so the conversation would stay light and airy and not sink into something dark and possibly incriminating. And that was how the two spent the whole drive still shooting banter about the difference between satisfied and appeased back and forth as gravel in the Ootori drive-way crunched under the car tires. They even laughed as they pulled themselves from the inside of the car and, almost eagerly, Kaoru pulled Hikaru toward the front door, jabbering nonsensically about avoiding his in-laws, and from that remark, running thorough the house - "sneakily" - became a game. Which ended when Kaoru twisted the heel of his shoe in the carpet outside of the door to his and Kyouya's room and all but face planted into the wall.

Hikaru laughed, Kaoru pouted, and - rubbing ruefully at his nose - turned the door handle and let them both into the room.

"Wow," Hikaru hummed appreciatively. "It's big. Where's the bed?"

"Up there," he explained, pointing toward the loft before flopping onto the couch, sighing heavily and looking up at the paneled ceiling. He shifted his feet as Hikaru sat down at his feet, shuffling until he was settle and then pulling his twins ankles into his lap.

As a response, Kaoru sat up and scooted down, pulling himself into his brother's lap and cuddling, nuzzling under Hikaru's chin in an attempt to make up for the lack of human contact he had had in the past half of a month. After a second more, he sighed. "Hika....I have that lacy stuff..._Up there._"

"...What?"

"Lacy underwear. Up there."

"No."

"Pleease!" Kaoru whined. "Get it out~?"

"Can't you do it?"

"But I'm comfortable," and he bated his eyelashes against his twin's neck. It was all too easy for the elder of the Hitachiins to picture his brother's facial expression - mouth twisted into an 'I've got you' smile already - and he sighed, to which Kaoru added, "C'mon, Hikaru. It's only underwear."

"Women's underwear."

"Please? It rides up."

"I -"

"Please!?"

Silence reigned for a moment, during which time the two could practically _feel _each other's mental tendrils pushing at each others with a high persistence. And then...

"God, fine!!" Hikaru spat ruefully, mildly pissed as he shoved his hand up Kaoru's skirt. The cross dresser jumped bit, surprised at the suddenness of change, but all over pleased about getting his way, and smirked against the embarrassed and hot neck of his mirror image's.

"Thank you," he practically purred out, so distracted by nuzzling Hikaru's ear and making it uncomfortable for him and wiggling so that the lace could be pulled out of uncomfortable places to notice the opening and closing of the door, nor the new comer who stood, framed in the door way. In fact, he wasn't even noticed until the boy (dressed as a girl) squealed in slightly discomfort - although, if asked, he would deny ever having made such a sound - and the sanding figure coughed.

"Oh..." Kyouya remarked. Both of the Hitachiin twins jumped and turned to stare at the brunette with wide eyes and gaping mouths, and the Ootori man dropped the leather brief case by the door and loosened the top button of his jacket before looking at the two on his couch again. "So _this_ is why you were so reluctant about getting married."

"N - no!!" Kaoru spluttered, jumping off of Hikaru's lap and hurriedly smoothing down his skirt. "I was - we were -!"

"It's okay -"

"NO! We weren't!!"

Hikaru was snickering again as his twin's flushed face and stuttered denials that seemed to fall on the deaf ears of his husband, who was now shrugging off his over jacket and draping it over the back of the chair before moving toward the staircase that lead to the loft and bathroom. Kaoru was still verbally struggling, wondering if his tongue had swollen intolerably from all the blood that had rushed to his face as he blushed. Still, he tried to make the brunette see the innocent, chase nature of the brotherly 'cuddling' that he'd just walked in on. But he was failing.

"I'm going to take a shower," Kyouya called over his shoulder as he set foot on the bottom step of the staircase. "An old family friend is coming home from an intercontinental trip, and we're hosting a small dinner in honor of his return. You don't have to come...if you're_ busy_."

The very insinuation was enough to make Hikaru bark out laughter, and for Kaoru to jump and squeal (again, he'd brush it off as a manly snort of indigence), grateful he had taken off the high heeled boots he had worn when out, else he might have fallen over right then and there. And just as the younger twin twirled around to spit furiously 'It's not funny!' to his brother, the door opened again, although this time it was obvious and attracted the attention of everyone in the room.

There was a flurry of motion as a tan (tanner than when he had left for the trip as it was) blond dropped his worn-out day pack, let out an overzealous cry of "MON AMI!" and practically_ flew_ past the twins, buffeting them away from the raving lunatic that seemed to have just appeared. The stranger's aim was dead set on Kyouya, who had stopped walking up the staircase as soon as he'd seen the man. His expression went from alarm to surprise to...slight annoyance and resignation as a pair of arms wrapped themselves tightly around his shoulders and a face filled with dramatic tears presses cheek to cheek with his own, knocking his glasses askew in a painfully tight hug.

"Oh, mon ami! How I have missed you!! A whole LIST of misfortunes befell me whilst traveling after you left, an every time mud got splattered on my knees, I thought 'what would Kyouya do?' and I MISSED YOU!"

"Ta - Tamaki!!"

"And - and!! I missed your wedding!?!? I COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR BEST MAN!! I should have been!! And, and - you were so nice to Haruhi while I was away, and I've never even_ MET _you wife!! You wouldn't believe how shocked I was to learn you married a Hitachiin - I didn't even know they _had_ a daughter, and I went to school with both of the boys -"

And then it clicked.

"...Tono!?!?" both red heads gasped in unison, and Tamaki pulled himself away from affectionately kissing Kyouya's cheeks in the common French fashion and looked at them. Both twins found themselves faced with a grown-up version of the little boy that had attended that artsy-fartsy private middle school with them back in Paris, and whom they had made cry many a-time, only to smile at his expense. This time, however, as Suoh Tamaki turn to smile at them, their faces fell and Hikaru's heart rocketed up into his throat as Kaoru's stomach dropped somewhere past his toes. Simultaneously, they both mentally concluded: _Shit._

"Oh, you must be -" Mood and attention swinging wildly, Tamaki released Kyouya and jumped down toward the twins. But he never did reach them, ad as he stopped short and his outstretched arm fell by his side, the bright smile that had pasted his features melted off his face like wet paint. "You're....Hikaru?"

Hikaru's jaw dropped, Kyouya's eyebrows rose and Tamaki turned his eyes to the stricken face of the 'woman' before him.

"And you're...Kaoru?"

Neither of the two Hitachiins cared to point out that this was the only time that the blond had gotten the game right.

* * *

_Twins : 350! Tamaki : 1_

_Yay, Tamaki. Yay! lol - anyway! I hope this was enjoyed. You got twincest (if you squint), Tamaki, Hunny and Mori! And you get yet another **chapter preview**: Haruhi, Hikaru, Tamaki, Kyouya and Kaoru. Oh, add Fuyumi. Dinner. Love. And a tad bit of jealousy - and probably NOT from who you're expecting, either! So, stay tuned! AND REVIEW! And...seriously, how much is this story worth in all it's originality? The answers been bugging me the whole time I've been typing this! xD_


	11. Chapter Ten: Well Shit

_Meh...this seemed a little shorter than intended to me, but when typed up, it seemed about right....x3 How's this for an update? The suspense - ended! Comically, too! Anyway, enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Ten **

**Well...Shit.**

* * *

"No!"

"Of course not! What are you talking about, Renge - I mean, ah - Crap!"

"Wait, huh?!"

"I've never met you before!"

"But - didn't we go to school together?!"

"NOO!"

The screaming, denial and the utter speed the rapid-fire responses were shot back with was beginning to make the blond's head spin, and he clutched at his head, pushing two fingers into his temple. "Wait, wait..." Tamaki said, trying to find an ounce of reason in this mass of mess. "I...I _know_ I went to school with you two...And I_ know_ you were both boys, so does that mean that...Kaoru-**kun** was actually Kaoru-**chan**? And that you -" he directed this statement at the younger of the two "-...........Were a gender confused cross

dressing child!?!?"

For a moment, lost in the utter insult of that comment, Kaoru's mask dropped, his jaw falling slack and eyes narrowing. "...I was a_ what_?"

"Yes! Yes she was!" Hikaru quickly overrode his twin's speech, looping an arm around Kaoru's shoulder and pulling the other boy close to his frame in a sort of half hug. "Yeah - that's exactly what it is - was! I mean, I always knew....but we just deemed it better that it was kept a family secret until we left France so...yeah. There. You caught us."

Tamaki gasped, rushing forward to all but yank Kaoru from his brother's arms and embrace him in his own form of a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, my darling Kaoru-chan!! I'm so SORRY!!! I'm sorry I never figured it out! But, I mean, I never thought anything was amiss!! I've seen the two of you topless and I never...I never....OHMIGAWD!! I've seen another woman's breasts!!" And here is where the released the red head, hurling himself backward and looking aghast. "Not only do I feel I have betrayed my darling Haruhi, dirtied my own eyes and soiled your innocence, but I have also betrayed YOUR trust, Kyouya!! Seen things that only you should be privileged to see!"

"...We were only, like.._seven_, Tono," Hikaru told the blond, fighting to take each breath as his was was smooshed into his upperclassman's chest when Tamaki leapt forward to hug him - yet again.

"Still -"

"Tamaki," Kyouya's voice was low and calm, but his eyes foretold of a great deal of annoyance behind his glasses lenses. "Shut. Up."

"But, 'Kasan, I -"

"SHUT....up."

Crickets audibly chirped as the brunette brought up a hand to adjust his glasses. During that time, Kaoru aimed a well-powered punch to Tamaki's abdomen and Hikaru shuffled his feet. When Kyouya lowered his hand, there was a smile on his face, and when he spoke, his tone was bright and cheery. And disconcerting.

"...Welcome home, Tamaki. I didn't expect to see you until this evening. My family had sent an invitation to your household and expected you to arrive later, after you've rested. Have you said hello to Haruhi, yet?"

"Well, no - I -"

"Go do that, and you can catch up with...your old school mates _later_." His tone left no room for argument. In fact, it was quite demanding and scary and both of the Hitachiin twins shivered, but Tamaki just beamed and began to flounce out of the room, chatting the whole way. And Kyouya walked with him, closing the door as soon as the blond was across the threshold.

There was a small second of an awkward silence as Kyouya then allowed himself to stare, rather blankly at the twins and they exchanged wary glances.

"Would you like to join us this evening, Hikaru-kun?" Kyouya then offered mechanically.

"Er...no thanks, I'm good," the red head responded, shifting slightly toward the door (although he did NOT want to walk past the Ootori) only to find a warm, painfully tight hand wrapped around his wrist, sharp and brightly painted nails digging into his skin. "Ow!" he exclaimed, glancing sideways only to find identical hazel eyes glowering at him.

"Don't you fucking _**dare**_ leave me..." was the whispered threat, the speech jumbled and cryptic as it had been when they were only children and they refused to speak other than in their own special 'twin talk' that others could rarely discern. Hikaru shrugged, sweat dropping.

Kyouya, in turn, raised an eyebrow, thinking - not for the first time - that he was dealing with mentally special children. It was true, to some degree (was there that much room for stupidity in only a year?) but at the same time there was nothing he could do about it except _try_ to ignore them. "Is that a yes, then?" he asked, injecting himself back into the twin's quiet conversation.

Under the influence of his brother's glare, Hikaru hesitantly turned back to his in-law, and favored him with an attempt at an uninterested and bored shrug. "I don't see why not..."

-

Kaoru was in shock.

This was not to say that Hikaru was not as well, but he at least managed to laugh weakly at the humorous tales of travel that Tamaki told between sips of coffee and innocent pecks bestowed upon a pregnant Haruhi's cheek or her forehead. Smiles were being tossed around like confetti, and coffee had been prepared, poured like (warm) water, or wine in Rome and people - meaning mainly Tamaki and Fuyumi - chattered happily, with occasional input from his lover or her brother.

The Hitachiin twins, on the other hand, were silent. And Kaoru was in shock. He had been so since dinner, when the blue eyed blond man that he had not seen since adolescence delighted in explaining the tales of his childhood traumas that included :who I thought of as nothing more than an annoying set of twin brothers at the time."

There had been no real reason to be embarrassed about those stories. They had been perfectly executed plots, especially brilliant for younger children such as themselves to come up with, but at the same time, every mention of "the poor gender confused cross dressing child" made the younger twin twitch with irritation and blush hotly every time it was mentioned. As well as the female pronouns that had never bothered him before, but managed to irk him to no end whenever 'the lord' mentioned them.

After dinner, things had not gotten any better. They had moved into the sitting room as a group and after-dinner coffee was brought out on a tray, mostly for the benefit of the blond guest, as it was late for Kyouya, Fuyumi and Haruhi could not drink it and Hikaru and Kaoru did not like the taste, although they all held cups.

" - The Americas was nice, but I caught the stomach flu and JUST when I recovered and was ready to enjoy the amazing nightlife, we had to fly up to the US of A, where I got travelers sickness and only came out of the hotel room to give my presentations!" Tamaki exclaimed, waving his free hand around wildly before clutching his stomach dramatically. Haruhi, leaning heavily against her lover, was jostled by the motion, but by this time had taken up a book to page through and paid him no mind, where as - on the other hand - Kyouya and Fuyumi politely laughed at him, Hikaru jumping in on that laughter occasionally, and often a second short of a note higher.

"Sounds like you had fun, Tamaki-kun," Fuyumi hummed happily, reclined on the sofa opposite the blond. "Although it's very good to have you back. Did you find any success in your adventures in the business world?"

"Ah, yes, I..." it seemed that the blond was prepared to speel off into another one of his stories before pausing. "Very much so, but that's b_ooooo_ring." And he flashed a very large and sparkly grin at them all. "Tell me - what happened here while I was gone?"

"Ah, well...nothing much, Tamaki..."

"KYOUYA!! How could you say that!?? You got married?!" And here he turned happily look at Kaoru (past Hikaru, who shied away from him slightly) and practically panted like an excited puppy. "Tell me, Kaoru-kun - I mean, Kaoru-_chan_...Eheh...tell me! How long have to two of you been dating behind my back~?"

The red head, who had been sandwiched between his brother and the sofa arm, feet curled up under him and long since having painfully fallen asleep in the slightly dimmed room that smelled of coffee. He blinked, then held up a finger. "One."

"One? One, what? One week, one month? One year!?!?" 8D

"No," he deadpanned. "One. Date."

"Like..." the cheerful expression on Tamaki's face seemed to become a little more forced as he turned to Kyouya. "You didn't..."

"No, Tamaki," was the calm reply as the Ootori cut off the blond Suoh heir. "I did not woo her. Nor did I romance her, court her, serenade her, nor anything of the ridiculous romantic shows you seem to deem necessary in a relationship."

"But - BUT -!!"

"Lucky," Haruhi said blankly, turning the page in her book and not even blanching as Tamaki gasped and fell all over her.

"Haruhi!!" He screeched, voice amazingly loud. "Didn't you LIKE it when I stood outside your bedroom window and sang English and French love songs?"

"I google the lyrics. 'Bad Touch' is not a love song. No."

"But - but! You threw shoes at me! I always assumed you just didn't have any flowers!"

"I was hoping to hit you in the head."

Tamaki gasped. "HARUHI!!! Don't you love me!?!? This is no way to welcome your husband back into the country!!"

"We're not married yet"

"THE FTHER OF YOUR CHILD, THEN!"

Here, Haruhi spun around and smacked the blond in the chest with her book. "Which means it is YOUR fault that I no longer fit into my normal pants!"

"I'm SORRY!!" Tamaki wailed, dissolving into a blubbering puddle of mush and flopping face first into Haruhi lap, mumbling inaudible apologies against her thigh.

Unbeknownst to himself, Kaoru felt a lump rising in his throat while watching the two for some strange reason. A reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. And then it hit him. _These_ were people in love. _This_ was how a married couple acted (even if these two were apparently NOT married yet?) And _this_ - general conversations, fighting it and affection - was what his marriage lacked.

Not that it bothered him!! No, of course no! He did NOT want any intimacy between himself and Kyouya - that was just disturbing! He was perfectly happy with their cold and dysfunctional relationship that seemed to revolve around ethics and business relations more than anything else. But...still..

As Haruhi stroked the blond curls in her lap and smiled lightly, and as Tamaki quieted and stilled, perfectly content to stay situated between his loves lap and swollen abdominal lump that was his future child, Kaoru couldn't help but feel...a little jealous? (That he would deny, as the mental image of himself - in female form - pregnant and waddling to a couch where he received a foot massage from an uncharacteristically smily Kyouya made him physically balk and shiver.) He stiffened at the thought, and received a sharp poke in the side from Hikaru.

"What's wrong?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in reference to the question.

"I...er, nothing. I was just dozing."

Although the older two of the twins didn't really seem to be buying this explanation, Fuyumi distracted him, asking him how it was working with his sister and when he answered that it was okay, she made several pointed comments at Kyouya, and Tamaki and Haruhi laughed, Hikaru - again - jumping in on that laughter a moment late. Kaoru was off in his own thoughtful world, and undeniably jealous.

* * *

_BWAAHHAAHAHAH! _

_-crickets-_

_Review~? 8D I like review cookies! And here is your **preview of the next chapter**: a honeymoon to the beach. Only, the groom's been replaced by a certain flat chested, pregnant commoner. Chaos ensues. _


	12. Chapter Eleven: Don't Tell I Told You

_Holy shit! Can you say 'update'!?!?! 8D I can! And I'm excited, no matter how painful/hard this was and how much prodding it took. I have no excuse except there was a freaking huge valentine's event in a roleplay I belong to and I - being the stupid, impulsive person I am - put all three of my characters in it. Yes. Give me cookies. And enjoy this chapter~ 8D_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

**Don't Tell I Told You**

* * *

Someone was poking him again.

Grumbling and rolling over, Kaoru grumbled in a half-awake daze, batting at the hand. "Hmmmm....Go 'way, Fuyumi-san."

The poking persisted.

Stop it, Yuki-san!!" Pokepoke. "...Matsuki...?"

"You're wrong, Kaoru," was the reply in a voice _faaar _to manly to be any of his sister-in-law's. "Now, wake up."

Jumping upright, Kaoru clutched the bed sheet to his chest, staring wide-eyed at Kyouya who was fully dressed, showered and ready to go (and glancing at the clock, Kaoru guessed that it was 'to go' to work). He repressed a yawn for a moment, instead accusing vehemently, "What are you doing here!?"

"I live here."

"N - no, that's now -"

"Yeah, yeah - I know what you were implying," Kyouya glossed over airily, "I need to talk to you."

"...About what?" And here Kaoru became suspicious and scuttled away from his husband toward the middle of the bed.

"Several things. However, the most pressing thing would be our honeymoon."

The red head blinked. "...What?"

"A honeymoon."

"That's _actually_ happening?"

"Do you want it to?"

"Oh! Oh, yes! Yes I do," Kaoru jabbered before he could stop himself, and after the initial embarrassment (during which time the boy pulled the blanket up to his red, red face) he attempted to recover with an uninterested, "I mean...not really."

"The beach, you said, right?" was Kyouya's measured response. "My family has a private one not far from here. Only a thirty minute drive; one could spend all day there, night too in our beach house."

"What?"

"You could go there today, if you want." He seemed...bored by this conversation.

"Me? Alone?"

"You can pack your bags. I'll tell the driver." Kyouya stood.

"Hey - wait just a minute!" Kaoru demanded as his husband, who had started to walk toward the staircase descending from the loft, but stopped and turned to blankly stare at the bed. And as easily as that, the Hitachiin lost any rage and steam or anger, and his set facial features melted away. "Err...."

"Have a nice time."

"Thank...you..."

* * *

Kaoru was moody. Haruhi wrote it off as pms and let him wallow in the seemingly darker corner of the limo that was headed toward the Ootori private beach. It seemed to have been a last minute trip for the both of them as Haruhi had been just about all packed for her 'big move' from the Ootori estate to the small flat that she owned (and that Tamaki frequented so often that he slept there more than the Second Suoh mansion) and only had a small beach book and some rather boyish maternity clothing that had hastily been packed in a shoulder bag. Kaoru, on the other hand, had spent a good twenty minutes tossing through his wardrobe before selecting shorts. And a tank top. And a two piece set of pajamas. And that was it.

The corner of the limo that the red head occupied at the current time was still dark and clouded and gloomy by the time they arrived at the front lot of the beach house. It doubled as a parking lot turnabout driveway that pulled up directly in front of the main door where the driver put the car in idle and jumped out to open the car door on Haruhi's side. She jumped out (spry for one so pregnant) and then turned, smiling, toward the red head who had refused to move. She extended a hand.

"Kaoru-chan? You coming?"

"No."

"Come on. It's nice here."

"It's c_old_."

"Missing Kyouya-senpai already?"

Kaoru jumped, gloom dissipating in favor for a fiery anger. "What!!?"

Haruhi just smiled, rubbing her four month pregnant abdomen as fondly as if she were stroking a cat. "I won't make fun of you if you are."

"I do _not_ miss that - that -"

"You're letting him ruin your mood."

"Hmph!" Kaoru huffed, clambering out of the car and attempting to stand tall, which only allowed him to be taller than Haruhi which was not a monumental achievement. "I am _not_."

"Good, then. Come on, I'll show you around. Tamaki often made Kyouya bring us - him, me, Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai - up here. I know the layout well."

He only rolled his eyes and followed her, making faces and trying (and failing) to remain uninterested in all of the little stories that the shorter pregnant girl was spewing. It didn't take _that_ long for Kaoru to realize that Haruhi was only telling him these little stories to make him feel comfortable in this setting, and although it didn't really help, it was nice enough gesture for his anger level to die down. By the time they reached the dining room with the wall of windows that overlooked the beach, Kaoru knew _all_ about how "Tamaki" (who was really Rene), "Mitsukuni", "Takashi", Haruhi and _Kyouya_ had become friends and had started a club.

"Are we eating in here tonight?" Kaoru asked.

Haruhi shrugged. "Sure, but do you want to go to the beach first? Did you bring a swimsuit."

"Er...no. I didn't."

"...You came to a beach and didn't bring a swimsuit?" Her chocolate eyes narrowed into an expression that clearly spoke, in _volumes_, of how stupid that was. Kaoru shuffled uncomfortably and kept his gaze turned away from her. "...Never mind - it doesn't matter. We can do other things."

"Oh? What else can we do?" Kaoru asked quirking an eyebrow at an awkward angle...What _else _did people do at the beaches in Japan?

"Well, we could play cards, read books...do you play chess?"

"Um, I can play some card games...None of the really traditional ones, though." His shoulders slumped, sighing as he came to terms with the fact that Haruhi would most likely not know any of the games _he_ did and that this sorry excuse for a honeymoon was going to be intensely boring. This thought made it all the more shocking when the brunette motioned toward the archway that lead from the dining room to a sitting room and asked him if he wanted to play poker.

"Wha - what?"

"We could bet with pocket change."

"R-really? Um...are you sure?"

"What? Are you scared you'll lose?"

No stranger to taunts when faced with one, Kaoru's previously shock-lax mouth pulled into a challenging sneer. Haruhi's mouth pulled into her own little smile and the red head's notion about how utterly boring the spouse of his former classmate's spouse was went out the window; Haruhi may actually prove to be some fun.

* * *

And she was intensely good at poker as well. And gin. And gin rummy. She was even dominate in go fish! And by the time Kaoru gave up and threw his remaining Uno cards into her lap, Haruhi was laughing at him. The red head pouted and crossed his arms under his fake breasts moodily (he'd been doing that an awful lot) as the brunette girl collected the cards and set them aside, drawing her feet up under herself on the sofa.

"Do you want to play another game?"

"No."

"What about chess?"

"Hmph!"

"I'm not as good at chess," Haruhi offered playfully, but upon receiving no reply, leaned against the arm of the couch, cheek cradled in the palm of her hand. "What_ do_ you want to do, then, Kaoru-chan?"

He shrugged.

"...Do you want to hear embarrassing stories -" Kaoru rolled his eyes. "-...About Kyouya-senpai?"

Amber orbs snapped to Haruhi's reasonably passive face. "...What kind of stories?" he asked testily.

Haruhi took her turn to shrug. "All kinds. I have third hand baby stories, middle school, high school, college and summer stories. I think, somewhere around here there's a photo album that Tamaki and Hunny-senpai hid the last time we came up here..."

They didn't end up searching for the photo book, but Haruhi told stories - all about Kyouya and all of which Kaoru sneered vindictively at. There were stories of baby Kyouya who threw up all over his mother's black dress at his first party; stories of toddler Kyouya who had upturned an entire bookshelf in the family library and blamed it on a dog (when they didn't even own a dog); stories of middle school Kyouya challenging his brother Akito to a music competition and winning by default when Akito's violin had "magically" vanished; stories of high school Kyouya getting lost in a commoner's shopping expo; stories of college Kyouya stepping out of bed one morning only to land in a bowl of spiked jello that had been left there after the college dorm party that he had _somehow_ managed to sleep through. And a whole mess more.

"-and, in the end after we got the pig and raccoon out of the music room, Kyouya-senpai wrote so violently in his notebook that we all thought he was planning each of our slow and painful deaths!" Haruhi concluded, laughing to herself as Kaoru hugged a pillow to his stomach and snorted.

"Eheh...Don't worry - I doubt he writes anything angrily passionate in those notebooks; they're nothing but boring notes." Kaoru shared, and Haruhi nodded. "I mean, I highly doubt there's one human thought in them. Kyouya-san's a bit like a robot..."

Halting, Haruhi nodded, but she didn't seem to find as much humor in it as Kaoru did.

"Writes like one, too..."

She didn't nod this time and hesitantly opened her mouth, "Well...I know that sometimes it definitely seems like it...But Kyouya-senpai has his moments."

Now it was Kaoru's turn to hesitate. "...Doesn't seem like it. At least now around me or his sisters or anyone, really."

"Well, you just have to get to know him," And here, Haruhi offered a dazzling smile. "I mean, Kyouya-senpai's a bit reserved, but that's only because he thinks it's for the best and hasn't quite adapted to the idea that other people prefer a more amicable form of affection or companionship. Tamaki's tried to teach him, but it's just something you need to learn by yourself, don't you agree?"

"..." Kaoru had no comment.

Haruhi waited for a bit, smiling still before she pushed herself off the couch. "I think I'm going to go to bed. Do you want me to show you your room? Oh, and tomorrow we could go out tanning if you want. Kyouya-senpai mentioned you were a little sickly pale looking."

"He what!?" Kaoru objected, any sympathy or compassion he might have been feeling for the brunette Ootori after Haruhi's declaration evaporation as he stood up and his face flushed darkly. "Why, that-" And he stopped short, grumbling angrily as Haruhi giggled.

Kaoru decided, instead, that it was better to stay a bit quieter in front of Haruhi as her ability to grasp the true persona of someone was a bit uncanny, and his own ability to do so paled in comparison.

* * *

The sound of waves hitting against the sand and rocks down at the beach - the crashes echoing up against the walls of the beach house and the ears of the only awake and alert person i the house. Kaoru didn't like to think of himself as a light sleeper (occasional insomniac, but not _that_ often), and as he tossed and turned in time with the crashing of the waves, he felt highly on edge. Exhausted, sure, but unable to sit still and actually allow himself to fall asleep.

As the minute hand on the clock ticked loudly away, sound of waves seemed to grow louder, much more intimidating and just plain annoying.

And so, swinging his legs around and planting his feet on the cold wooden floor, Kaoru stood up. In a sort of dazed - half asleep and half awake - state Kaoru shrugged off his buttoned night top and let it crumple on the floor next to the foot of the bed' the pants followed as did the specially made silicon-cup filled bra, leaving the red head looking shockingly male in plaid boxers and longer hair than was usual.

Making a detour to the adjoining bathroom, Kaoru took two of the wooly towels that had been stacked on the counter and put them under his arm before looking at himself in the mirror. Carefully, he dragged his fingers through his hair, pulling out the reddish extensions that had so carefully been clipped to the bases of his own hair. Handfuls of donated hair were left in the small trash can as the Hitachiin - rather excited and excitedly at being out of his female costume in a setting where he was likely to get caught in the lie - slipped out of the room and padded down the hall, suddenly feeling wide awake and alert and his mind dead set on the path down to the Ootori beach. After all, it wasn't as if he had ever been to a Japanese beach, nor had he come to his first with_out_ the intention of swimming.

None of the doors in the beach house made a sound as he opened them; the floorboards squeaked a little as he passed Haruhi's room, but there was a steady light breathing sound that assured him that the pregnant woman was fast asleep within her quarters and undisturbed by the sounds of him passing.

After exiting the main door of the estate, the young man took a left and began to pad down the stone inclining road that lead from the front of the mansion to a small single car parking lot on the beach level. It was a short trip made to feel longer by the rather torturous tear on his bare feet, but the soft and fine sand felt soothing on his feet and stuck to any skin that touched the small grains. But now was not the time to stop and compare this sand to the rocky beaches of his childhood; now was the time for Kaoru's intent to be focused on the water line.

From up on the sand, the dark waves were clearly defined against the moon-lit sand crystals and, dropping the two towels on the untrodden private beach, started to run toward the water at full tilt, delighted by the slightly misted wind that buffeted him.

However, impact was not as fun.

"Motherf -" Kaoru bit his lower lip violently as the freezing water hit his skin, splashing up around his knees and thighs. Goosebumps erupted all over his skin, and for a split second the young man considered that this might not have been the brightest thing to do. But it was too late now, and even as he turned with the intention of going back to the shore, he found his foot connecting with a rock under the water and he tripped, fell, and landed with a fated - and hard - _'smack'_ against the water.

Luckily,the chilled sea water was not as deep as it could have been and after initially going under, Kaoru was able to resurface, spluttering and shivering as his hair dripped. And he just sat in the shallows, arms around his own shoulders as his toes went numb. This had been a _baaaaaad_ idea - he realized that now and felt a tad bit like crying (for his mommy, his brother...hell, maybe even for someone as creepily smart as Kyouya who would tell him he was being an impulsive baby). Water lapped at his chest and although he could still feel at least a few things below his waist, Kaoru knew he would be unable to swim like this. Hell, he'd be lucky if he could walk back to the sand and beach house if he stayed sitting for much longer.

Taking one big, deep breath, the red head stood up, the cold water swishing around his shins; he shivered violently and waded through the water until it was only up to his ankles - and that was when he heard it.

"Kaoru-chan?" called a sleep voice from just a few feet ahead of him. "Kaoru-chan, what are you doing? I woke up and you were gone and I worried and -"

Oh. Shit.

Haruhi stood, in a fuzzy blue bathrobe that was wrapped tightly around her, the hem swishing against her pajama clad legs. She looked exhausted, eyes squinting against the bright moonlight that was reflected against the water as she peered at the figure who looked quite naked and dripping wet.

"Are you...are you skinny dipping?"

He froze - petrified. Kaoru could see Haruhi's big brown eyes travel up his body and pause, widening as she reached his chest before her jaw dropped. The red head, in turn, made a small squeaking sound that he was not proud of, and as Haruhi's gaze snapped up to his own, all Kaoru could do was stare at her with a silent plead in his eyes and mumble:

"Please don't tell."

* * *

_Well~? You like? x3 I like. Although I was shocked how many people were confused by my last preview: "a certain flat chested, pregnant commoner" is not Kyouya for those who assumed it was. xD It was Haruhi, which made things more fun - as you can see~ But it's all good! Kyouya will be in the next one which there will be no preview for other than...Yeah, no. You'll all just have to wait and find out~ ;D_

_And review. Because, without those, I feel unloved. -cough- Love ya'll~_


	13. ChapterTwelve: Mamas Little Crossdresser

_HOLY SHIT! An update!?!? REALLY!!! Well, I finally got around to writing this chapter in the middle of school while watching a rather depressing video on various ways that the Aztecs and Incans were killed and religion and, of course, I got bored...and wrote this instead~! 8D ENJOY!_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

**Mama's Little Crossdresser**

* * *

Clocks should not be allowed to tick as loudly as this one, Kaoru thought as he concluded his story with an, "-and we've never had sex."

Haruhi, in turn, was completely silent. Once again, they were in the living room and sitting on couches opposite each other just as before, but this time there was no air of female companionship. Haruhi was in her bathrobe again and Kaoru - shivering from both the cold and the brunette's slightly evil glare - was wrapped in a towel and blanket, wet hair dripping onto the woolly fleece. After she had demanded an explanation from the red head, Haruhi had remained silent as he explained - first the Ootori thread against his family company, then the whole wedding and everything that had happened since. And now, when it was her turn to respond, the woman simply leaned on the arm rest of the couch, cupped her chin in the palm of her hand and downright glared at him.

Kaoru had never thought of Haruhi as an angry person, but now...Now it made sense how she could keep Rene/Tamaki in check, but not how she could_ love_ him.

Kaoru shivered, withering into the embracing blankets around him while he waited, counting the seconds by the over-loud tickings of the clock.

And then she shifted. "Are you going to hurt him?"

And Kaoru, perplexed, questioned, "Who?"

"Kyouya," chocolate eyes glinted dangerously. "Are you going to hurt him?"

Now he was just confused. "...How could I do _that_?"

Rolling her eyes, Haruhi sighed angrily, "Never mind, then...I'm not sure whether to be mad at you or not right now, you know."

"You...you're not?" It seemed a bit like a hands down guess that _anyone_ who found out about being lied to would be pissed off.

"I mean, generally, you're doing this for a valiant reason - your family. But the fact that you're lying to another, very respectable one in order to save your own is a shame, and as much as I could care less about the Ootori's and their power hungry money system, Kyouya-senpai is still my best friend, and it's not right to lie to him -"

"-You're not going to tell on me, are you!" Kaoru's heart dropped into his stomach as he gushed worriedly, eyes large and pleading. "Haruhi, please don't -"

"Oh, shut up. I won't tell," she snapped angrily, upper lip pulling into a sneer. "But you should - he might not be that mad if you fessed up instead of him finding out on his own."

It was Kaoru's turn to roll his eyes. "Puh-lease. If Kyouya is as smart and perceptive as you say he is, he would have already put two and two together and figured it out. I don't think he spends even remotely enough time with me to notice, and even when we ARE together, he ignores me - flat out ignores me."

"....Oh...I get it" Haruhi proclaimed, lifting herself off her hand and looking at Kaoru as if she were seeing him in a whole new light. A light that, in turn, made Kaoru squirm uncomfortably and fight the urge to look away. (It was this look that was the reason people were allowed to close their eyes while being x-rayed.) "...Kaoru-chan - er, I mean Kaoru-kun....Are you gay?"

"Beg pardon?" he deadpanned in turn.

"It would make more sense that way as to why you're jealous of how much he works..."

"-I'm not jealous!" he spluttered.

"Are you sure?" Haruhi prodded. "Because it definitely sounds that way."

"I - I, no! o, I'm not gay! And, in no way, shape or form do I like him enough to be jealous of the time he spends away from me."

"'Away from me'? That's pretty personal sounding..."

"S-shut up!" Unbidden, Kaoru felt his face heat up and a look of mortification fell onto his features as Haruhi smiled knowingly in his direction. "No - I do NOT!"

"Be gentle with him." And here, Haruhi even had the gall to wink at him. "He's not a very emotionally conscious person." Without offering a 'good-bye' or a 'good night', Haruhi stood and, already distended pregnant abdomen leading the way, exited the living room before Kaoru could even formulate the words it would take to object.

This left the red head in total solitude, still shivering from his late night splat and mind still reeling from the conversation that had just been undergone. He'd been outed as a boy, 'outed' as 'gay', and proved wrong about two traits he thought applied to Haruhi: that she couldn't get angry, and couldn't make shameless fun of someone before winking and leaving them to gape openly at her retreating back.

* * *

They didn't end up tanning the next day. Or anything else remotely fun; instead, both Kaoru and Haruhi stayed in their rooms until sometime around noon when, bored, Kaoru strayed from his quarters in boyish pants (extensions firmly in place once again) and a big tee-shirt and encountered a hungry Haruhi making a large and...odd looking sandwich. The two of them stood in an awkward silence for a long time and then...

"Do you want one?"

"Um..." He noted the pickles, potato chips, peanut butter and dried seaweed one would usually wrap sushi in. "...No thank you."

"Suit yourself." She shrugged, slapping the top piece of bread on the melted chocolate that had been drizzled atop the pickles. Picking up the plate and brushing past the red head caused an oddly guilty shiver to run down the boy's spine and, in turn, he looked over his shoulder at her.

"Um...I'm sor -"

"You should cut your hair," was her slightly flippant response.

"...What?"

The brunette turned to face him. "If you 'cut' your 'hair', you wouldn't have to wear that wig."

"It's extensions."

"Whatever. We're leaving in two hours, and now I'm just going to call you Kaoru, because I don't really want to call you '-chan' or '-kun', alright?"

"Al...Alright..."

Haruhi left and, deep in thought (more in confusion than actual thought) Kaoru made his way to the nearest bathroom and closed the door...and after a moment, he locked it, too. Repeating what he had done the night before, the red head pulled his fingers through his hair, tugging the extensions from his head and shoving them into the plastic-lined garbage can. By the time he was done, there were handfuls of ginger being thrown away, and the remaining, _real_ hair hung loosely at the base of his neck.

_This_ looked much better, girly still with his fringe (usually so perfectly parted to his right and his brother's left) flopped into dusty eyes and his mouth parted in a slight part.

Thinking back, he had had this exact face in one of the photo shoots his mother had organized; but Hikaru had been there that time, and the heavily v-necked gothic lolita style corsets and thigh-high fishnet stocking. shin covering plastic, laced-up army style boots and very white and neon-bright ripped mini-skort had been worn instead of a set of "lazy cloths", jelly sex bracelets instead of a wedding band.

Sure, this was more 'normal'. But not as fun...

* * *

Sometime on the ride back, Kaoru realized that - at least - he hadn't lost his balls.

Sure, it wasn't just figurative. He'd read studies about reasons that people often felt they had lost their masculinity after some testical-wraking disease such as cancer, etc. There was no longer that ever-present sign of being male, and so were they even men anymore?

But he had his balls. Even if, now, he also had mounds that many women cried over if they were lost.

But...honestly....What was so special about breasts?

* * *

"Oh, wow!"

"What did you do?"

"...You make it sound like it's a bad thing, Yuki."

"Well, it sort of is."

"Hey!"

"Oh, it's just her hair. Plus, it looks...foreign this way. Kaoru-chan, how _did _you and your twin get such red hair, anyway...?"

"Well, on our mother's side -"

"I still can't get over the change! Kaoru-chan, you looked so pretty with your long hair; graceful, too - like a real dignified housewife."

"I am _not _a housewife!"

Kaoru fumed quietly as his sisters-in-laws tittered to each other. He was generally pleased with the overall reception his 'hair cut' had garnered from the women. Thus far, Haruhi had liked it, Tamaki had commented ("...you look more like your brother, now!") on it, and some of the maids had done so as well - and now even the Frankenstein Ootori Brides seemed to approve, all that remained was to see how his husband reacted. Of course, it wasn't like he cared what Kyouya thought, though; Kaoru could care less if the brunette noticed, let alone cared. But...

No, no...There were no 'but's. None at all.

While Kaoru attempted to deny that he - was gay, like Haruhi had suggested - did NOT need some sort of attention or affection or approval from the brunette man, Matsuki, Yuki and Fuyumi smiled, chatted, laughed and sipped tea calmly; they went from four to five-thirty before departing to their own quarters, or in Fuyumi's case, home.

The red head, for his part, dragged his feet through the hallways, procrastinating in returning to his rooms or becoming so bored that he would not need to go to that boring library again. So, he wandered through the empty halls, finding the walls and pictures more familiar than he would have liked to admit, and eventually finding himself in that inevitable and unavoidable hallway leading toward his and Kyouya's bedroom. Kaoru passed he painting of a wax bowl of fruit that hung on the wall, the darkly painted stand that held a powder blue vase of out-of-season yellowish pink flowers, the portrait of the fair skinned, brown haired woman...

Kaoru stopped. Back tracked. And realized, even after a bit over a month in this house, he had absolutely not idea who the picture hanging outside his room was of.

She was pretty, with pale skin that was tinted with a light blush that suited her and perfectly accentuated cheekbones. Thick brown curls reminded him of Fuyumi's style, but the way this lady's hairstyle accentuated her overly fine, petite facial features was....Well, all Kaoru could find himself thinking of was that this woman would make a lovely model. But then he remembered that this was an oil painting (which was old and which no one painted anymore) and there was a very unlikely chance that she had been real, let alone this pretty -

"What are you staring at?" a voice behind him sounded, and startled, Kaoru spun around and found a tired and worn looking Kyouya standing by his bedroom door, appearing to have come up the opposite set of stairs.

"Oh....um, this painting." Unabashedly, Kaoru pointed at it.

"Ah," Kyouya nodded, passing the bedroom door and coming to stand a good five feet from his bride, looking at the painting as well. "My mother."

His..._mother!?!?_ Kaoru had never seen the woman before, but he wondered a bit why neither Akito, Fuyumi, Rei or Kyouya looked a _thing_ like her. "Um...your....? What - what happened to her?"

Kyouya's shoulders tensed up a slight bit. "She died. Back when I was seven."

Kaoru blinked, slightly shocked at the straightforward answer. The only thing he could quite get out of his mouth was an "...unnnnnnn..." but it didn't even seem as if Kyouya was done talking about it just yet.

"She was sick, you see. Had been for a long time, so it was pretty much expected that she would..."

"That - that must have been pretty hard on you..."

"Oh, it wasn't very hard on me at all, as I barely knew her. Fuyumi and Rei took it a great deal harder than myself or Akito, as we rarely spent time with our mother."

"What about your father?"

"We didn't spend much time with him, either."

"No, I meant...."

Kyouya arched an eyebrow sharply. "What about him, then?"

"How did _he_ take it?"

There was a long, _loooooong_ pause. "He....saw it as a complication."

Kaoru blanched. It seemed what Kyouya had cryptically communicated as that his father and mother had been in a rather loveless and dispassionate marriage - _'grin and merit'_ - and that her death sum fifteen years ago had been more of a public task than it had been a trying, horrible experience for the eldest Ootori. The realization that _that_ was most likely true left Kaoru's mouth open in slight dismay for the late Ootori woman, and the only sound he communicated was, "Oh..."

"Yes. But that isn't really anything out of the ordinary for arranged marriages, is it?" Kyouya was not smiling, and the placid, spacey look in his eyes caused a shiver to run down Kaoru's spine. "Most of the men couldn't care less what the wives do, and if they ever do eventually take an interest, things are usually too botched for any sort of fixings as it already is; for instance, my brother doesn't mind that Matsuki is having another man's baby - he especially doesn't mind since it's going to be a girl - and my other brother is only spending time with Yuki because her baby is a boy and, in turn, the two of them will most likely ignore each other, and the baby, until there is an eventual death. And if by some insanely lucky chance on is as lucky as Fuyumi - or even Haruhi, who married for love in the first place - and somehow manage to become infatuated initially with their spouse, things can always go bad in the long run..."

Silence. That had been the most words that the two of them had ever spoken to one another, and it had proved to be...insanely awkward.

"Do...do you...Are you expecting the same for us, then?" Kaoru queried, trying to hide the slight twinge of pain he felt at first being traded like a how and second, having his 'new owner'/'husband' have little to no faith in their marriage...

Kyouya paid him no attention. At least not directly. "You can do whatever you want with whoever you want, Kaoru. And I will be not unlike my brothers and, in the end, we will probably not see each other for days on end and that will be a happy marriage."

That stung. But speaking of brothers...

Kyouya turned away, seemingly finished with this conversation, and Kaoru found himself blurting out, "Doyouwantablowjob!?"

"...What?"

"I said..." Damn, this was harder to say the second time around. "Dp you want...a blow job?" And he looked away pointedly, refusing to look Kyouya in the eyes, especially when he heard the brunette laughing - more like an officious titter, actually - at him.

"Thank you for the offer, I suppose," was the humor-laced response. "But why would you want to do that, though? You don't really seem to be that kind of woman."

"I...I..." he paused. "I don't think I am."

"Well, then, you should think more about that before going around offering sexual favors, alright?:

"...O...kay..."

His head hurt.

* * *

_Anyone else love Haruhi's pregnancy sandwich? I love it. I love it lots. Not too crazy about the boobs vs. balls reference, but it's my little sociological insight into the attatchment that women have with their breasts and men with their testies cause...ya know. Once they're chopped off, people question if they really ARE a boy/girl anymore...It's interesting stuff._

_But, side from that! The **next chapter preview** is: In which Fuyumi becomes a mommy of two, Kaoru plays hide-and-seek at a baby shower, Hikaru and Tamaki have similar tastes in baby gifts, and Kaoru must take a shower. ENJOY AND STAY TUNED!_


	14. Chapter Thirteen: My Dirty Little Secret

_OMG. I FINALLY UPDATED. in the spirit of the gay pride parade being tomorrow and the first day of summer yesterday. i apologize this has taken me so long, and thank you thank you thank you to all the lovely reviewers who have read and reread this and reviewed. THANK YOU._

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

**My Dirty Little Secret**

* * *

Within the next few months, Fuyumi stopped dead in the middle of a (commoner) adventure to a (commoner) super mall. She froze in the middle of the toys department and, instantly alarmed by the look on her face, Kaoru and Haruhi rushed to her side _just _before the dignified woman screaming and crying and swearing as she _demanded_ a doctor. _Now_.

Kaoru knew shit-nothing about what was happening and internally fretted about alien children and horror movie scenes. But Haruhi kept a calm head and called for an ambulance, and the three of them traveled to the closest Ootori hospital establishment where, after four hours of screaming and handholding and tears (mostly Kaoru's because this was gross...!), a tiny pink bundle was places in the exhausted mother's arms, squirming and fussing slighting until Fuyumi hugged her to her chest and soothed the infant.

In turn, Haruhi and Kaoru were invited to hold baby Rue, but he declined, perfectly fine with simply watching the maternal bond form between Fuyumi and Rue. It was...beautiful to say the least, and something he found himself to be slightly envious of after he recognized that it was something he'd never have.

Out in the hallway (he'd scampered from the room when Fuyumi had made to pull down her gown in order to breastfeed the child), the red head dug in his jacket pocket and held his phone, staring at it for a moment before dialing Kyouya and waited while it rang.

_Ring._

_Riiiiiing._

_Riiiiiiiiiing._

_**Click -!**_

"Hello?"

"Um... Hey. Your sister - she had her baby."

There was a lengthy pause. "And how are they?"

"Uh - uh, good."

"Good," was the measured response, although if he didn't know any better, Kaoru would say there was a hint of honest relief. How close were Kyouya and Fuyumi anyway? "Thank you."

That threw him for a loop a bit. "Um. You're welcome."

The dial tone marked the end of their conversation and, slightly distracted as Haruhi came out of the room and said it was time for them to leave, Kaoru pocketed his phone and followed the brunette down the hall and to the main entrance of the hospital.

* * *

Fuyumi, instead of requesting a baby shower before her baby was born, asked for a party after the birth of her daughter, and thus one was thrown in the back garden of her husbands estate. The party was the first time Kaoru had ever been inside Fuyumi's place, and he marveled at how alike it was to that of the Ootori's. He wondered if, for their girl, the Ootori family had provided the two of them with a house, just as they'd done for their older sons. That thought lead to him counting the remaining days until this year was up and he and Kyouya were gifted with a house of their own. A home to share, but still...!

The garden of Fuyumi's house was big and richly decorated with pink ribbons, pink balloons, white tablecloths with pink trim, pink mini cakes... Basically, it looked as if the designer had eaten a few pink crayons and, tastefully, spit out a party. But it was kinda cute. Rue wasn't even two weeks old, and all she did was bob her head and blink sleepily up at the various people she could see from her mothers arms. Fuyumi's first born, the one who had been the ring bearer at Kaoru's wedding, was around, too, vying for attention his little sister received.

The boy had, originally, approached Kaoru to show off his toy car in hopes of gaining some praise or interest, but - taking pity on the kid and feeling rather ignored himself - the redhead wandered off with the little boy and allowed himself to be pulled hither and thither across the lawn to look at bugs and grass and mud. Eventually, Kaoru found himself under the desert table, hiding from his nephew in a game of hide and seek, and that was when he heard approaching footsteps and voices.

"Oh, she's such a cute baby," spoke an aged voice.

"Yes, yes. Rue-chan looks a great deal like her mother already," agreed another. "Although when Fuyumi-chan was that age, she wasn't nearly as flushed or wrinkly."

"That must come from the father's side."

"Yes, Fuyumi-chan was a fair child."

"Hm. I think Akito-kun and Kyouya-kun were the fairest of them all, don't you think?"

"...Yes. Yes, I agree. I remember when Yourichi brought those two boys home - although it was a good ten years apart."

"Ah... I think more than a few people thought the large gap between pregnancies was because of infidelity, and that Kyouya was the product of an affair. Yoshio-san even speculated on that thought, but when she became sick, he stopped questioning her."

"Speaking of Kyouya-kun... His new bride is here as well, isn't he?"

Kaoru stiffened at the mention of his own person, and peered through the semi translucent table cloth, noting the stubby legs and short heels that must belong to the two old women gossiping.

"She is... I think."

"I haven't seen her since the wedding. _Or_ before, either." That tone dripped with the speculation of being deceived. "Where'd the girl come from again?"

"I'd say Italy."

"...No, no. I think it was France."

"Ooooh, _yes_." Old ladies shouldn't gush. It didn't sound right; Kaoru made a face. "I forgot that. And she was a Hitachiin, right?"

"Yes. Although I don't think I like the sound of them. The head of the family is the_ mother_ and she's rumored to be rather whimsical - always off on her own and galavanting around. Not the mention the father took the children to France with him. _Everyone _knows that children are better raised by the mother - especially when there's a female child to be considered."

Kaoru found his exasperated expression shift into something more annoyed, and felt his hand fisting the material of his shirt. His father had raised himself and Hikaru just _fine_. And these ladies didn't know jack sh -!

"Maybe that's why their girl is so boyish...! Yuki-chan and Matsuki-chan said that - Kaoru-chan was it? Yes, Kaoru-chan was raised solely by her father and brother. I bet she's rather weird..."

Okay, that was uncalled for. And jus when Kaoru was prepared to crawl out from under the table, the table cloth was lifted from behind him and he turned to see the happy smile of his seeker.

"I found you, Auntie!"

"Uh... Good, good. Now, let's go play somewhere else, okay?" Kaoru ran a hand over his face, attempting to keep his cool in front of the child. He allowed the little boy to pull him by the hand over to the edge of the festivities, where he proceeded to pull up his skirt, kick off his shoes and play soccer.

Until, that is, he heard raised voices.

"Hey! Hey - don't touch my gift, you rapscallion - you trouble maker!"

"That's _mine_, Tono. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"No, it's mine! Look at the name tag -!"

"That's _my_ name on the tag. Quit trying to profit off 'a _my_ hard work."

A pause.

"Then - then we must have bought the same gift!"

Kaoru felt Soshi's hand slip from his as the boy made to steal the soccer ball and escape the raised voices. Kaoru was tempted to follow the little boy, hoping to avoid getting involved in the immature fight between two recognizable figures; but his feet carried him toward the gift table.

Hikaru and Tamaki were standing by the pink adorned table, each holding a store bought basket filled with personalized pink baby things; bunnies with 'Rue' personalized bows around their necks, blankets embroidered with her initials, bottles, a few flowers as well, etc. The two adults were glaring daggers at each other over the basket handles, obviously displeased by the double gifting.

Tamaki narrowed his eyes, Hikaru barred his teeth and Kaoru stopped a good five feet away from them as both men growled, "Take yours back."

"...They didn't really get along well as children, did they...?" Haruhi mused aloud, coming up on Kaoru's left and casually observing their two arguing counterparts. She held a small plate piled high with rather odd and assorted foods, balancing it all on her enlarged abdomen. She offered Kaoru a chocolate covered strawberry, which he accepted.

"No... We messed with his mind a bit too much for us to be chummy, I think..."

"Hmmm..."

"Should we stop them?"

"Nah," Haruhi mumbled, but just as she spoke, Tamaki swiveled around to look at them, and his disgruntled facial expression melted into a childish pout, and he engaged the two of them into the confrontation as he called to them;

"Haruhi! Tell him to take his present back - I got mine first! And plus, I've known Fuyumi-san longer than he has!"

To which Hikaru hollered in turn:

"Kaoru! Tell him that my gift is better! I ordered it in advance!"

Both "females" sighed, feeling rather put on the spot by being so loudly called out to. Several people had already turned to look at them with disapproving expressions, or else snicker at the sight behind their hands. Their composure was intact, however, and when the two men flung themselves at their skirts, the two raised their hands and hit them sharply. Haruhi's palm connected with Tamaki's shoulder and Kaoru smacked Hikaru upside the back of his head.

Both men reeled, looking hurt and whimpering at their better halves.

"Don't be stupid," Haruhi reprimanded.

"Stop acting like a baby," Kaoru demanded.

The two indignant males massaged the spots where they'd been struck. Tamaki whimpered and edged closer to his wife, who in turn, wrapped a hand around the inside of his elbow and led the blond away - Kaoru assumed, to calm him down, as he could already hear the brunette saying something soothing; something about 'not nice or flattering to act that way', 'the public eye' and 'Fuyumi and Rue's special day'.

He envied her - Tamaki seemed so easy to pacify - as he turned to face his pissed-off, ruddy faced twin. Hikaru appeared to be sucking on his lower lip, ready to explode into a childish tirade. But the calm nature of Fujioka Haruhi was rubbing off on him, and he ignored that look.

"With all yours and mom's talk," Kaoru spoke under his breath, "Of _me_ messing up relations with this family and our reputation, you certainly do seem to have an agenda to disrupt it more than I."

"Fighting with Rene is nothing; he's not related to them!"

"But this is Fuyumi-san's party."

"So?"

"Just be _nice_."

Hikaru's eyes narrowed, and Kaoru pretended to ignore the whispered: "You talk like _him_ now..."

Kaoru turned around, all prepared too stalk off, apologize to Fuyumi, find Haruhi and then go play with Soshi-kun again - maybe this time, the two of them could go down to the small decorative, creek that ran along the side of the house. However, there was a sudden splashing sound, and the sensation of a child colliding with his knees and rebounding off of his side, and the slightly sticky and cold and wet sensation of fruit punch seeping down his front.

There was a splutter, and a familiar tiny boy started to sob. "I'm s - sorry, Auntie Kaoru! I didn't mean to s - spill!"

HIkaru snorted and began to laugh behind him, as were Yuki, Matsuki, Fuyumi, Tamaki and Haruhi off to the side as the red headed man looked down to see the dark red juice spreading across his midsection. It looked as if the little boy had stabbed him and he bled juice; the white cotton was ruined, but - Kaoru decided - it was a small price to pay for the feel of the little boy hugging him tightly around the midsection and sobbing about how sorry he was for ruining his favorite aunt's nice dress.

He sighed.

Fuyumi - everyone, really, save for Hikaru - aww'ed loudly as Kaoru hugged the child back before striding away to either change or find a shower. And while Soshi attempted to follow him, Kaoru directed the small boy back to his mother, for the bonds of 'favorite aunt' did not quite stretch _that_ far...

* * *

There were no proper cloths for him to change into at Fuyumi's house, so Kaoru was forced to barricade himself in a bathroom with a rag and that red stain until Yuki showed up in a jacket and the two ran for the car. Inside the limo, Matsuki and Yuki - both high off of the maternal hormones - cooed over Soshi and Kaoru's budding friendship while Kaoru slumped against the cold window, and thought of nothing but the nice, warm shower that awaited him.

As they pulled up to the Ootori manner, Kaoru opened the door and jumped out before the car had fully come to a stop, stumbling on the gravel. The possible bruises would be worth it for escaping the chatty car. But as the car pulled to a stop and the other two got out, the red-head scampered toward the front door, unwilling to hang around and wait for Yuki and Matsuki to catch up and coo about their nephew.

Kaoru tip-toed after being admitted by the maids, pattering up the stairs and into his and Kyouya's bedroom, carefully closing the door behind himself. He could tell that Kyouya was awake from the light and sound of typing from the loft, yet the red head still took steps to not disturb him. Gently, he removed his shoes and shuffled quietly to the bathroom, Kaoru slipped inside the tiled room, locked the door and then peeling off the sticky cloths and turning on the hot water.

Showers were always a risky endeavor in the Ootori household. Kaoru had been amazingly relieved when he discovered there were locks on the door, although that didn't mean he couldn't be caught when trying to find cloths to dress in after. That, perhaps, was the only reason he was happy that Kyouya left for work so early in the morning, for he was always alone when it came time to change. But even if he always worried about the invasion of his privacy, the feeling of hot water running through his hair, make up melting off his face and warm water rushing along the grooves of his body was amazing. He liked having the false breasts off, and just generally being naked - _out_ of women's underwear and pantyhose. Not to mention the clean and fresh sensation of shampooed hair.

Kaoru couldn't help but hum happily, and louder so when he heard the pleasant way it reverberated against the walls. Soon, he had begun to outright sing, loudly and off tune as he stuck his head under the water stream to rinse. And, of course, it was just then that the door knob clicked and the door slid open.

Because while the doors locked, there were always keys.

Footsteps were drawn out, and the red head didn't even notice there was another person in the room until that person spoke. "Kaoru?"

He screamed. A perfect, high pitched girly scream, jumping and whirling around to present the outline of his back through the shower curtain to the newcomer - Kyouya, of course - and at the same time crossing his arms protectively across his chest and locking his knees together so no tell-tale shadows gave away his dirty little secret. Stammering and trying to keep his voice from cracking into a manlier tone, Kaoru responded, "Uh - um - yes?"

"I apologize if I've made you uncomfortable. But we need to talk."

"Erm - can it wait? I've got shampoo in my eyes."

"Sorry -" although he didn't really sound sorry "-but I heard there was a small spat at Fuyumi's baby party."

Oh... That. "You should have been there... Uh - it was a really good time. The little fight - it didn't really matter."

"Your twin and Tamaki really don't get along well, do they?"

"They haven't for a long time. He and I didn't like each other either. It's a big mistake to put the two of them in a room together - ever - let alone the three of us together in a garden." He added a small, skittish laugh that was lost in the sound of the shower water hitting the bathtub.

"Perhaps we should keep _your_ brother and _my_ friend separate, then. Neither of them seem mature enough to interact in a grown-up situation."

Kaoru bristled as Kyouya insulted Hikaru. "Do _I_ seem immature?"

There was a rustle of clothing; Kyouya was shrugging. "You seem capable of sucking it up and not talking when you shouldn't."

The red head scoffed. "Don't be so carefree in your compliments, Kyouya."

"Don't read too much into them." There was a hint of laughter edging his voice in a teasing, belittling way that - again - made Kaoru bristle.

"I don't read too much into them, you read too little!" he snapped. "And if you're just going to be rude, you can spit out the reason why you actually came in here and then _leave._"

Kyouya chuckled, which only pissed Kaoru off, and had it been anyone else, he would have given them what-for. But he bit his tongue as the dark haired man spoke. "I just wanted to tell you that I don't want twins."

"...What?"

"Sine you, yourself, are a twin, it is highly likely that if you and I were to have children, that there could be twins. And seeing as I don't see myself or yourself having enough attention for one child, let alone two, then we shouldn't have twins."

"I - I would be a good fa - _mother_! I would be an excellent once - ouch!" A large, angry glob of shampoo had fallen into his eyes. Squinting, swearing and rubbing viciously at his eyelids, Kaoru could hear Kyouya chucking. "Ow, ow - ouch! _St - stop laughing at me_!"

"I'm not laughing at you -"

"Stop chuckling - stop snarking, stop giggling, tittering and laughing." He was crying, but that was because of the stinging, scorching liquid in his eyes that he just couldn't get out.

"I promise I'm not -"

"Would you just leave!"

"Are we done talking -?"

"Yes! YES - we're so done! Just...you - just get out!" He snapped furiously.

Kyouya posed no more intrusion. Kaoru heard the door to the bathroom click shut, and almost immediately felt guilty. Once the shampoo was out of his eyes, he couldn't really remember why he had gotten so mad to begin with... But really, babies weren't that bad, if Soshi were any example. Not - not that he wanted any; he couldn't even have any, so there was no reason to...want...them.

...But if he did - he'd want twins.

Kaoru rinsed the second bought of shampoo out, conditioned his hair, shaved, rinsed the conditioner and shut off the water. Here, he paused and listened for any sound of footsteps, floorboard squeaks or muffled shuffles of carpet muffled footsteps to signal Kyouya was up and about.

He heard nothing, however, and stepped out from behind the shower curtain and snatched a towel. Had he been more aware of outside the door, however, Kaoru may have managed to pick up the sound of quite tip-toeing; may have recognized the sound and not brushed it off as just water dripping from the faucet. But, alas. He didn't, and the door to the bathroom squeaked open before he could even wrap the towel around his dripping torso. His dripping, flat chested, ultimately _male_ torso...

He froze.

"Kaoru, I had something to tell you earlier but I forgot -"

He choked. "I - I am - you have no idea how sorry I am...!"

* * *

_r - review?_

_**Next chapter preview**: In which Kaoru is called a lesbian. Again._


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